I am absolutely dumbfounded from time to time in my life and one of those occurrences happened today when I tried to purchase a documentary from a Best Buy near The Nasty. Now I’m not trying to point any fingers or make any assumptions on the level of intellect of our neighbors to the south but I was in Kentucky at this time. I will also state for the record that I did not attempt to visit any other nearby Best Buys to research this event due to the fact I just gave up. Now to be fair I wasn’t exactly looking for the meaning of life or anything as important as that, I simply wanted to find a documentary called “The Devil and Daniel Johnston” which is about a songwriter ,singer, artist diagnosed with BMD. I know, look at me actually taking a proactive approach to learning more about this crazy ride I’m on. In any case let me paint you a picture with my lyrical paint brush.
Ok I know the last line about lyrical painting made no sense but I thought it sounded cool. In any case let me get back to my story, so I was looking online for some BMD movies or what not and found this documentary “The Devil and Daniel Johnston” that looked really interesting. Well interesting compared to my other options which incorporated Van Gogh, Patty Duke, Margot Kidder, and Stephen Fry, now while at some point I’ll probably try to watch them all I was really into the Daniel Johnston one because he’s a musician of sorts and music usually plays a pretty big role in my mania. So I’m driving to this Best Buy and I’m jamming to Flobots (could quite possibly be my new fave) and getting a little manic. I wouldn’t say anything too crazy, just my heart racing, blood pressure up, dancing in the car, singing (or my attempt at it at least) and enjoying the ride, getting pumped for this movie. So I end up at this KY Best Buy and spend the next 10 minutes looking for a documentary section of movies, with no luck mind you. I mean I could find the final season of “Knight Rider” and “Hip Hop Abs 8” but let’s not do something crazy and even at least have a documentary section there.
I’m not trying to say that even if they had a documentary section of DVD’s they’d even make any money, but I mean I do feel that at least some people out there are interested in the world outside of flat abs and cars that talk (then again this is the country in which someone funded the movie “Idiocracy”, so what can you expect?). In any case I’ll stop going off on my tangent as it may be I’m still a little manic and going off over absolutely nothing but I feel I have a point here, probably not a good one but a point nonetheless.
Seeing how I’ve been the closest thing to “normal” that I can be over the past couple of days I thought I’d talk a little bit about my manic episode back in the mountains last year. I figured I’d start out with why I sign off each post with the name d01roK, seeing how this really isn’t my name (if it was I think I’d have bigger problems than dealing with my mania) I think it’s a good place to start. Please be warned that my memory over my episode encompasses of about 2 hours or so in a span of around 3 weeks so the details maybe a little fuzzy. I did keep my gournal but try to imagine how that turned out, you’ll understand once we start getting into what was going on during the episode (hint: all over the place). Anyways during my episode I had some experiences going on in which I was convinced that I was part of some universal battle between good and evil. Now you may be asking me; was it like being stuck in the movie “Spaceballs”, and my reply is yes, except nothing like it because that would have been amazing (Mel Brooks is a genius, don’t believe me: “Blazing Saddles” & “Young Frankenstein”). So this battle going on in my mind somehow would translate into the real world in the form that I had chosen to be on the good side during my walk (another story) and now was some sort of soldier/guardian/protector of the light or good (stay with me, I know). In any case during my initiation into this role I think (once again I say the details are a little fuzzy) I was going through some sort of universal test to prove my worth.
Now part of this test I would feel like I was always being watched, like the evil/dark/opposition/or whatever my enemy was would be keeping tabs on me trying to prove I was a fake and did not deserve to be good. Now in order to prove this wasn’t so and I wasn’t scared I started a YouTube account and my name I came up with was d01roK (almost as if it was my new identity) to add favorites to my profile that would portray what I was feeling at the time. In essence trying to prove that I was worth the role that I had been given because essentially I knew what was going on and this was my way of beating the enemy. Maybe at some point I’ll try to tackle the meaning behind the videos but let’s just say they’re pretty random, ranging from “Handlebars” video to the Lipton Ice Tea commercial with Rocky Balboa (also throw in there some Penn & Teller with the American flag burning, really weird).
After taking a look at the name that I used for my YouTube profile I do have some idea on why I used it. I was at one point nicknamed D-rok and some people randomly call me that so that kind of makes sense. Now the 01 also makes a little sense once I think about it as well. During my episode I can recall having stints of time when I would just get obsessed with mathematics and time and how they related in terms of my and everyone’s existence. I recall thinking that time is almost just an “invention” or method developed by us to keep track of what we call life, as if we’re defined by time (man that sounds really weird, but it’s what was going on in my head at the time). So in my theoretical explanation there are two genders that are in existence (male and female) therefore if there are two genders then they must somehow be related to time (how I believed we measured our existence). Therefore they would have to be numerical designations for male and female in order for the mathematical formula to work (and for time and existence to be real) hence I came up with 0 and 1. The reasoning behind the 0 and 1 is that essentially in my mind there were only two numbers ever and the rest were just a result of the two (meaning there is either nothing which is 0 or something 1, thereby any other number is just a combination of the two). So to try and stop a confusing explanation I’ll just say the 01 in the name had to be some way of me showing that I understood or believed or deserved to be winning the fight because I had figured out the equation of life and time (mind bottling isn’t it). Now why the K is capitalized and the d isn’t, I have no idea why and that’s probably a good thing.
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!