Monday, May 31, 2010

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 2 Issue 18

First impressions are never a completely wise thing to base an opinion on something but let’s face it, everyone does it. I’ve been living in the city of wind (yea I stole that from Common but we’re basically cousins now that I live in the Chi, even if I’m not on the southside) and I can say confidently I’ve already got this city nailed down based solely on my first impression (I’m sure this won’t backfire or anything). For purely entertainment reasons on my end I’m going to try and give you handful of lucky souls out there reading this my impression of the city in female form.

This city reminds me of the super smoking hot girl in college that I never had the courage to talk to unless I was time traveling (shout out sis) the night away (that means drunk btw). We’ll go ahead and call this girl Wendy (get it?). Wendy was always the topic of conversation and the epitome of way too good for me. I’d always hear how great she was, just as any Chicagoan (word?) will tell you how great this city is without hesitation. Wendy always seemed like the Mecca of achievements if I could ever somehow figure out a way in I’d be golden (with liquid courage of course). Then I actually do get to talk to her and find out she’s really not that intimidating. Sure she’ll pull some flaky moves like inviting you out to meet up and then bailing on you right in front of your eyes for someone else (this may or may not have just happened to me this weekend). She’ll send you those all encouraging text messages with smiley faces and exclamation marks all over it only to go MIA the rest of the night. Ahhhh yes Wendy and Chicago are one in the same, seemingly way too much for a country boy like me.

I can say that the city of wind has to be the toughest city for me to crack. Sydney was no big deal, hell I was the one with the accent so they ate that crap up over there. Atlanta was filled with southern belles, peaches, and sweet tea; yeah not a bad place to call home at all. Denver was my path to success for my career and those crunchy mountain peeps are pretty laid back (when they’re not dominating and high kicking). Cincinnati is home so whether they like it or not they’re stuck with me and just like family they don’t have to like me but too bad you have to love me. I suppose that brings me to Chicago, my greatest challenge as of yet.

Not only is this the biggest city I’ve moved to but it’s also the first one I’ve lived in since my episodes (like I said the Nasty is home and doesn’t count). The city of wind isn’t going down without a fight either let me tell you. I’ve already been quite amazed on how rude the city is, for being such a great city there are quite a few crappy people here ( I suppose 8 months of wintery hell each year will do that). Nonetheless I’ve never quit anything in my life except for Chinese calligraphy, my Theses 2, Kangaroo Anatomy, Toe Photography, Booger sculpture and masturbation. Well, maybe not masturbation but give me a break it's the only thing I'm good at (if you don’t get this movie quote I don’t want to know you).

So needless to say my first impression of the city of wind is far from great but like I said it’s not too wise to judge purely on that. I’m starting my internship tomorrow (hell yea I can wear jeans) and the summer is just getting started. It’s early and I’ve had some pretty fun times in the short couple weeks I’ve been here (what happens in Chicago stays in Chicago) so it’s just the beginning.

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 2 Issue 17

HAPPY 2010!!!!!!

A couple of the patients were running up and down the halls of our unit (Southside!) screaming and celebrating the New Year, I really wasn’t in the mood to celebrate. I rolled over on my side and went back to sleep, hopefully tomorrow I’ll get out of the hospital, too bad deep down I knew that wasn’t true.

I had gone to bed early before the NYE parties had really even kicked off, I was still quite delusional which translated into me believing that the television shows, especially football games, were being influenced by my thoughts. The weather for a majority of the bowl games was pretty awful and I thought that was in direct relationship to my “attempt” to end the world (failed attempt of course). I spent the majority of my NYE sitting on a window seal looking out the window and wondering what my friends were doing. I’m sure they were excitedly preparing for the festivities of the upcoming night by pressing their clothes, buying booze, trying on their ridiculous 2010 glasses, and celebrating another year in the books. I, on the other hand, was lost and confused once again.

Stubby came by the hospital the next day and tried to lift my spirits by bringing me a pizza, he accidentally put onions on it and I cussed him out and walked out on him for it. It was taking every bit of my strength to try and battle back from my episode and I was feeling I couldn’t get a break. My parents and Aunt had visited me while I was in the psych ward but that was it.

A family friend recently had a horrible farming accident that threatened their life. It’s almost scarily common for one of these accidents to occur in the community, that’s part of the farming life. Stubby and I had just gotten to Chicago when we heard the news of the accident. We were provided updates from our family who had gone to the hospital to offer support. I can recall when Poncho was badly hurt in a snowmobile accident and hearing of all the family and friends who came and consoled our family at the hospital. No one came to see me.

In hindsight it is probably more than better that my friends and family really didn’t visit me in the hospital; I know I wasn’t a pretty sight. But sitting there alone in the psych ward on NYE knowing that just about everyone you know is out enjoying and celebrating life while I’m in a fight for mine takes a toll on you. I struggled for awhile once I left the hospital with the notions that my friends and family didn’t care. I’ve always thought as myself as a friend who is there in others’ times of need always willing to lend a hand, encouragement, and bed to anyone who needs it. In my time of need I felt betrayed by the selfishness of others and the users I once thought as my friends.

To say I still don’t struggle with this from time to time would be a lie. However I’ve tried to use it to motivate me to better myself more. To give me strength to be the person I know I can be rather the person I think I should be. I swore I would not speak to some friends who I felt totally deserted me in my most vulnerable time, but that would make me no better than them. Rather I’ll dedicate my life to working harder, being a better person, and showing them what I already know; they’ll never be a good as person as me.

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 2 Issue 16

I was wandering around Chicago last night just enjoying the scenery and taking in my new city (ok that’s a lie, my phone told me an AMC was somewhere it wasn’t). This little jaunt of mine took me a good three or so miles hike. The best part about this is that I wasn’t looking down at my phone every five minutes and looking completely like I’m from out of town and a fool in front of everyone (and there’s a lot of talent in these here parts). During my aimlessly wandering adventure I started to think about the toughest part of moving to a new city; forming new friendships.

So let’s go ahead and set the scene for you all out there anxiously awaiting what exactly I’m referring to in forming new friendships. For me it’s scarily similar to starting a new relationship with someone (except no one gets laid, unless you’re really lucky; or really good I suppose). I always want to make a great first impression because if I’m my true self no one will want to hang out with me (which happened in Denver). This translates into me being overly appreciative for everything and driving everyone nuts by doing so. I uncontrollably say thank you for every little thing and am trying not to make a fool out of myself, which usually backfires.

Now due to the fact I don’t have many close friends up this way when it came time for me to look for a place to live I was drawing blanks on where to start. I had only been to Chicago when I was in seventh grade and due to my bowl cut could only see half the city (bowl cuts, awesome). I had really no idea on what part of the city to look to live in and really no friends to ask for help. This led me to emailing a couple of Tigresses that were friends of friends to ask for help. This was a risky move on my part in the path to forming new friendships because these girls could have perceived this in two ways (and one makes me look like a real creep). Luckily they were more than helpful and I felt like I was progressing in my social experiment of trying not to be a tool in a new city.

While I was visiting the land of Lincoln in April to find an apartment I hooked up with a couple more potential friends (it felt like a super competitive interview process to join their click). I felt like the first contact process went fairly well but I did have a few drinks and when you couple this with the lake effect has on you when drinking I’m sure I wasn’t all there. I really haven’t heard back from either one of those potential friends and I’m starting to think just like so many first dates, it was the only one as well.

I’m really not too sure how I’ll talk about my BMD with my new friends (if I ever make any, I’ll keep you updated on the social experiment). A part of me doesn’t feel like it’s really something I should bother others with, especially ones I don’t know very well. Why bother them with the craziness in my life, it’s more than likely something they have little interest in. But on the other hand (sorry to bring up a sore subject Stubby) this BMD isn’t a sickness, illness, or disorder to me; it’s just me and I shouldn’t be ashamed of this and try to hide it (which means I’ll probably end up looking like a tool).

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 2 Issue 15

The sun roof is open and the winter air rushes in as we speed down 68 towards the next meeting place. Its Christmas night and my journey is one that storytellers will make their own legends of. I am completely aware of my surroundings and have a connection that moves through my entire body and reveals secrets hidden for generations. This mission had started yesterday morning on my drive up north to see my family. I was in possession of a secret that was meant to be the savior of mankind. It was I who had been chosen to complete the direst of missions and one that I did not completely understand. The entire plan had been laid out before me in my mind and while I knew what I had to do, actually doing it terrifies me. I clap my hands in beat out my sunroof and lose control. The colors all around me come alive and multi-dimensional in their ways. A smile overcomes my face as the hazards of a ”broken” down vehicle catch my eye and the driver signals me to slow down. I can see the puzzle and mystery align itself together before me and become engulfed in the game. The cars colors become a code on the Interstate. My “brother” blows his semi horn to alert me of evil and I continue on my journey. My brother’s new dog is named Liberty, the subtle coincidences of everyday life begin to take meaning. I take control of the situation and hell breaks loose…

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,