Monday, April 26, 2010

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 2 Issue 14

Ok guys are we ready to have some fun this week on “Dating Is Crazy”? Our single bachelor is a farm kid from Ohio who left the cornfields for the big city. Let’s get right to it, Derek can you describe how the date went?

Would love to Ron, let me try to piece it all back together for everyone.

There were a number of times when things would get a little weird for me during my episodes. Aligning the curtains in my hospital room to conceal me and thus embody the man behind the curtain (Wizard of Oz reference for ya), the wearing of two hospital gowns front to back for my robe, and my relentless approach at trying to “heal” or help the others around me. I must admit the hospital staff really didn’t do much to help either. The whole sterile suit they put on to enter a possible tuberculosis patient's room but then to see that patient walking the halls just an hour afterwards doesn’t really help me get back to reality (it really freaked me out). About this point in my episode I’m extremely delusional and have become trapped between some sort of world of reality and fantasy (pretty wicked right).

The first night was the roughest by far, after the tranquilizer (or whatever they gave me) wore off I became absolutely terrified. I wasn’t sure exactly where I was, I knew a hospital but I was convinced it wasn’t (see how it gets confusing). The better part of my night was spent in the hallway crouched down rocking and trying to pull it together. Another patient came out and consoled me (it formed a connection I’m still unsure about today) while a male nurse talked me up. He use to be in the service and he kept on me for the majority of the night whenever he’d happen to walk by me in the hall. I finally work up the courage to shower (I’d been awake and manic for around 3 days at this point, a shower is in due).

Of course the ward (Southside!) doesn’t have a simple showering unit, that would make entirely too much sense. Instead of a single or even dual dial unit this shower has like four and string thing, and lever and faucet on the lower right hand side (I had to walk out to make sure it was the shower and not the janitors closet or something). After pushing the button six times I basically gave up on my shower and went to bed.

Because I’m a seasoned veteran on this whole psych ward dynamic I know that who I sit by for my first meal is big deal (the wrong choice has severe consequences, trust me). I scanned the tables and saw a blonde haired, blue eyed, girl sitting alone so I sit down. No one is talking to anyone and this is weird because the last ward I was in everyone talked (those little things really got to me). I start out with a real coy line like; “How’s the food?”. It’s of course not very good but J. Rabbit helps me with figuring out the menu (a lot tougher than it sounds) and tells me she’s a student and why she’s in here. She excuses herself and leaves to play cards (it’s funny how we all have our things we use to try to get some normality in there; I did puzzles).

Unlike many BMD’s I actually lose my libido during my episodes. It’s more common for someone to make irrational and unsafe sexual decisions when they have episodes but I completely lose my sex drive (it’s really weird and I don’t like it so much). J. Rabbit actually sparked it back into me a little bit and that was a little weird (ya know being in a psych ward and all).


Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 2 Issue 13

My Easter basket was always a little out of the ordinary (although I’m not sure what an ordinary Easter basket is, nonetheless). I love stale peeps so I’d open the package and wait a couple days to eat them, I still do this. I really never liked chocolate bunnies but would crush some white chocolate ones. Finally I’ve never really been a fan of Cadbury Eggs. While these quirks of mine may be a little out of the ordinary I always looked forward to them. When I moved away from home it was always the out of the ordinary things that I missed the most.

This past Easter I stopped by my brother’s place before heading over to see the family as usual. After several attempts to make it in the door due to the relentless jumping of Max (he’s a puppy that’s like 3 years old, do the math) I made it inside. Monkey asked me something that I hadn’t really thought about until that point.

“Are you going to be able to do this? Ya know Chicago and all with being crazy.”

Although his approach to the subject might need some work (I’d have it no other way though) he did bring up a valid point. I really hadn’t thought about moving in this capacity up to this point. I was merely excited to start a new chapter in my life and ready to put the past behind me. I looked at this as an opportunity to start a new life and never thought of the consequences if I go manic. I only had one response to him.

“I don’t know. But we’re about to find out.”

I really have no idea what is going to happen in the next 4 days let alone in the next 4 months (other than I know I’ll make a fool out of myself at some point(s)). I have been having some rough times the past couple of months for reasons that are out of my comprehension. I’ve never been known as a pessimist or ever really down for any reason. I’ve tried to attack each day with positive outlooks and a sense of happiness. That no matter what happens I won’t let my mood be affected by irrelevant circumstances that surround me. But BMD has started to change me a little and I don’t like it.

There comes times in any person's life when the unknown and uncertainty seems to become the inevitable. I am more than a little scared that my move and attempt at a new life will fail. That I’ll go manic again or that my company will find out about my diagnosis and either terminate me or refuse to offer me a position. I’m uneasy about waking up one day and being completely lost once again with nowhere to go but to crawl back home. I feel like everyone has points in their life that similar questions (albeit probably not psychosis questions) play out and a decision has to be made. What are you going to do?

Personally I’m going to jump, and see what happens.

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 2 Issue 12

Name: Jay Cutler QB
Number: 6
College: Vanderbilt University
Birthdate: 04/29/1983
Height/Weight: 6-3/233
Hobbies: My arch-nemesis
Team: Chicago

Throughout my life there have been a number of guys along the way that inevitably became my arch-nemesis. I know that there will be arguments and rumblings out there that you can only have one arch-nemesis and that’s it (mainly Star Wars and Comic book fans). However my dad never sat down and had the arch-nemesis talk with me so I had multiple arch-nemeses while growing up. For instance in my redshirt year of Kindergarten my address was my arch-nemesis then followed by my neighbor’s black Star Wars Big Wheel, the McDonald’s Big Mac Song records, and eventually these evolved into actual guys in the third grade or so (you know who you are). However each one of these arch-nemeses always seemed to fade into the background as the new one emerged. That is until I received my internship in Chicago.

Jay Cutler has reappeared in my life after the time we spent together in Denver and I’m not too pleased about it. Our first run-in was in the mountains and the battle was as rugged as the Rockies. It was summer of 2007 and I had been romantically involved with a girl that brought a little of home to Denver. She was a country girl that raced dirt bikes (btw they ride bikes not drive them, I always screwed that up). We were out basically owning the dance floor (best dancer in the club Murph) when Jay walks in and proceeds to post up at the bar and right then I knew it was on.

Jay attempted the guerrilla warfare tactic so common among inferior challengers. His first strategy was to pretend that he didn’t even know I existed (clever). Next he attempts to court one of my good friends right underneath my nose (the audacity). Then finally he tries to pick up the girl (tiny dancer now) I’m dating while I sit home and watch the Reds. This was in just one offseason that we both shared the same city before my episode shipped me home.

Well I really hadn’t thought about having any arch-nemesis since my diagnosis because I felt like BMD was now the only enemy in my life. But I think that’s a bad way to approach it, BMD is a part of me and the good and the bad of it are who I am. I can’t have an arch-nemesis of myself (I’d always win and that’s no fun) so it looks like Jay will just have to do. I’m moving to Chicago and the offseason is alive and humming in the NFL. I wonder what Jay has up his sleeves this time, because I heard he had a sister.

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,