Friday, November 18, 2011

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 3 Issue 46

I’m not going to lie, there were more than a few benefits from being the “beer man’s” step-son while growing up (I basically felt famous in Browntown because of him, which says a lot about its drinking habits). I of course liked to abuse my power because it usually made me laugh. One of these occurrences used to happen quite often in college and that was when a party was trying to tap a keg.

I always enjoyed heading to a party where people would be crowding around the untapped keg in anticipation of the awesomeness about to be bestowed upon them (they were also more than likely chanting: “Chips, chips, chips, chips, chips!”) as the host struggled with the taps. Ah, the eternal struggle of untapped kegs versus the guys who have been drinking all day was always entertaining. The tap wouldn’t be sealed or they’d have it on crooked or the beer would be pouring way too fast (all forms of alcohol abuse btw). They’d struggle with it for a few minutes as the crowd would grow anxious (and at times I even heard some slurs as well). I could see the frustration just about tip (plus it would be about the time I’d start getting thirsty) when I’d mentioned this:

“Hey guys, my step-dad works for Budweiser, you want me to tap those kegs?”

I usually received cheers and a few jealous snide remarks as I saved the party (I also felt like Jeremy Piven in PCU after he tapped the kegs and silenced the “chips” chant-get it now?). If I really liked the people throwing the party I’d even bring over the CO2 tap passed down to me from my step-dad (you didn’t have to pump it, amazing). Funny thing about that tap is that when I tried to return it the only response I got from my step-dad went something like this:

“So I let (Radio Edit) borrow this tap for a number of years at UC and it gets returned to me without a scratch. And you have it for one year at Witt and it’s destroyed?”

I only had one answer:

“Yeah, sorry, my friends like to party.”

I didn’t say that but he would have laughed if I did (I mean he’s the beer man, he’s awesome). It is true though, my friends did like to party. We didn’t half-ass it by any means (ask the woman with the machete who wanted to shut down our backyard concert/kegger-she could of just called and complained). I’ve seen this trait develop over the years from simple big screen porn on during high school parties to the unfortunate demise of the tap to now my fight with BMD, I have trouble half-assing anything.

Sure this has gotten me into trouble (the Commonwealth of Kentucky can attest to that) but it’s also what I believe will get me through this. Don’t get me wrong even today I get into trouble because I want to go so hard (or H.A.M) and beat this BMD by outworking it. This can backfire though and I can lost in the details around me and then the big picture (being healthy) gets compromised because I feel left behind in the other aspects of my life (career, social, and well just trying to get laid I guess-I kid, I kid). Don’t get it confused though I am grateful that I don’t half-ass this diagnosis or much in my life but it does get tough to explain my actions at time. The beer man and that damn cop on a bicycle in Covington can back that up for me.

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 3 Issue 45

That evil inside me. . .
I can feel it ever so lightly. . .

To deal with the craziness I like to find rhymes in my mind
Piecing together the puzzle of madness before I run out of time
But somehow the puzzle feels like a show for the angels above
Doing the impossible by unimaginable feats all in the name of love
Trying to tight walk that fine line I've been known to speak of

I can feel it ever so lightly. . .
That evil inside me. . .

Now I'm in the second act and the end is definitely near
Where my life gets flipped from the light and I get lost in fear
The evil takes control of me and there's nothing I can do
Lucky for me my madness arrives in time to play too
Now I've lost my ability of knowing what's fantasy and true

That evil inside me. . .
I can feel it ever so lightly. . .

Here's the end of the show, the final piece of the puzzle to be told
And despite all that you've done I still fight, refusing to fold
Even when I know the reason we lost our little brother was you
But instead of fear it gave me a new purpose to defeat you
So run and hide inside, when you're ready I'll be right here waiting for you

I can feel it ever so lightly. . .
That evil inside me. . .

Coming Correct,

Friday, November 11, 2011

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 3 Issue 44

It seems as of late I’ve been catching a lot of those little inspiration/life lesson quips across the World Wide Web. You know the ones I’m talking about, they say something along the lines of “Be nice to everyone because everyone is fighting some kind of battle” or “It takes one to know one”. The one that really hits home for me though is “When you assume you make an ass out of you and me.”

The reason that one hits home is that it reminds me of something pretty damn funny, and of course I’m talking about my sex life (I’m already laughing just thinking about it). So I’m nearing the end of my hoop earring phase in my life and due to my fifth year of eligibility at the bars (oh and Witt) I’m spending a lot of time “chasing tail” (I said that last night at my alcohol class and got a big response so I figured I’d drop in it here). One of these nights on the chase I was successful.

I of course am going to protect the identity of this young lady however I will say she was not a Tiger but rather a townie, hence the reason it wasn’t too hard to pick her up (oh Browntown ladies I kid I kid). After the bar we proceed to take a drive in the Jeep (it’s summer so the top is down, derr) but a little into our drive my passenger decides she’d rather see what’s going on behind us so naturally the best view is sitting on top of me facing the other direction (only makes sense right). So I’m trying to watch the road and shift gears (in more ways than one) and take mental notes for this awesome story.

Needless to say we decided to stop to chat and get to know each other better (no, that’s a lie) but was chased out of the cul-de-sac by somebody watching (or calling the cops, not sure as I was obviously distracted) so we needed an exhibitionist location to conclude what’s adding up to be my best performance of my young “chasing tail” experience. I decided it would be a good idea to finish up somewhere romantic and under the stars, like my parents yard (Mom, I’m sorry but now that I think about it I’m probably the reason the neighbors don’t really like us).

On our way back to drop her off and for me to not brag whatsoever to my friends about the awesomeness that just happened. I started getting a little cocky (shocker I know) and after the sexcapades (like that word don’t ya) I felt pretty damn good. Being in this state of overconfidence I asked, despite already assuming the answer was going to be great:

“So, how was it?”

She replies without a hint of hesitation:

“Eh, I give it about a 5.”

Hahahahaha I still laugh at that, talk about making an ass out of myself from making assumptions. The same principle can be applied to the troubles I’m having right now with this BMD. It had been about 9 months of feeling pretty positively optimistic. I think I got a little overconfident due to the success I was having with the lithium and the lack of the Big D in my life. I think I knew this winter was going to be tough due to it lining up in the two year pattern I’ve experienced with my mania, but once again I made an ass out of myself.

I honestly just assumed that I’d be able to get through this winter without much of a problem. I obviously wasn’t naive in thinking this was going to be breeze to get through but I definitely thought it’d be easier than the time I’ve been having. I’m not going to quit just because it’s more difficult than I originally thought or because I’m not quite as good at it as I thought. But I’m still learning how to deal with this all and it’s become quite evident I still have a lot to learn, apparently pretty similar to when I “chase tail”.

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,

Friday, November 4, 2011

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 3 Issue 43

Does it seem like this to anyone else but whenever I’m single I get no love from the ladies and it seems as soon as I start dating someone all of a sudden I’m hot shit (or at least I like to think so). But it does feel like as soon as I’m unavailable there’s this sudden interest in me from the opposite sex. I’ve always been somewhat baffled by this because I’m pretty sure I haven’t changed in the short time it took from being pathetic and single to suddenly the hottest commodity (I know that doesn’t make sense because a commodity is the same no matter what so there can’t be the “hottest” if everything’s the same but it’s just a damn figure of speech, get over it) on the market. Well this past week I think I figured it out:

Women see other women with a man and think that they are missing out on something and want that something that’s not theirs. While when a single guy comes around women automatically think there must be something wrong with him or some other woman would already have him.

I know, I just got all “What Women Want” on ya (I’ll admit it, Helen Hunt is pretty smokin’ in that movie) but I think I’m on to something here, and it makes me laugh. I think that’s the whole point for me right now, laughing. When I’m fighting the Big D it’s about the last thing on my mind and the last thing I do. It really sucks because I really love to laugh, and when I don’t I really don’t feel like me. What got me thinking about what women want was my attempts to break out of this funk.

I was thinking (ok that’s a lie, I was moping) earlier this week about my single status on my facebook page. I was getting a little desperate I’ll admit it; the thought of trying my luck online again may have crossed my mind. But then a commercial for eHarmony came on and reminded me of a couple things.

Number one is that this guy on the commercial was explaining in detail how he was looking for this connection. Going into an elaborate explanation about what he’s looking for and how he’s in search of his soul mate and finding something lasting and really digging into his inner girl. This didn’t make me feel good about my chances because I write about old man’s penises.

Secondly, well to be honest I haven’t gotten past the old man penis thing, but I’m working on it. I think the important thing for me right now is to stop pushing so hard. When I get into my depression all I can think about is getting out as soon as possible. I concentrate all my energy on breaking out of my funk and trying to be myself. I’m finding out though that when I don’t push as hard and just let it be I start finding laughter in my life again (which eventually pulls me out of the Big D).

I’ve started laughing and finding my life again this week and it’s more than likely attributed to my apparent complete lack of understanding in women. This lack of understanding makes me laugh and that’s something I haven’t been doing lately, I forgot how much fun it was not to hate the world (damn do I hate you depression). Luckily I was only fighting it for a few weeks which is a ton better than a few months (simple math folks). I’m not pushing as hard and I’m starting to see the comedy in my life again, I mean it’s everywhere and especially in my dating life (see my “What Women Want” reference above) but at least I can laugh about it (despite my epic loneliness, I kid I kid).

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,