I know it seems hypocritical of me and all with my fear of scary movies but I’ve always loved Halloween. I mean what’s not fun about dressing up and wearing make-up to pretend you’re someone else (just ask Hollywood, they do Halloween like year round). And I’ll admit it; sometimes I can get a little carried away with my costumes.
For instance I’m pretty sure my costume last year offended someone to the point that it resulted in the “forgetting” of my invitation to a friend’s (or so I thought) wedding. Although I should be fair and divulge all of the facts here. I was wearing a towel that had about a 2 foot dick drawn on it, it was a RIOT (get it?). But at the same time I’ve had some pretty clutch costumes in the past like:
(Superbad, and yes I showed that Fake Fake Hawaiian McLovin ID at the bars, they really weren’t as amused at it as I was.)
I’m sure right about now that one or two of you are thinking: how could I be such a fan of All Hallows Eve when I’m such a pansy when it comes to scary movies? How can I have a fear of horror movies and then such a love for All Soul’s Day? And the answer to that is easy.
First off if you have ever seen a college campus during Halloween weekend and experienced the “costumes” the ladies are wearing (and you females know damn well what you’re doing, and I must say I like it) then you’d understand. Secondly how can I fear something that while growing up hooked me up with a stash of Smarties, FunDip, Nerds, Skittles, Reese Cups, and Mini Three Musketeers for a month?
So for you two who doubted me I hope you feel bad about yourselves. But I never like to leave anyone upset so I will say thank you for providing this transition into my fear of randomly one day waking up manic. While in all honestly I was hoping for a little bit smoother transition; well, shit happens.
For me it would be a complete lie (and I pride myself on honesty, well that and my unbelievable sliding ability during Little League) to say I do not fear waking up manic one day but I do not live in fear of it. It’s similar to my fear of snakes (damned creatures of Satan I tell you) in that I don’t wake up every day fearing that I’m going to have a snake attack me at some point of the day (but if it did I assure you I’ll be running as fast as I can the other way, just the toughness in me I guess). I don’t get up and think about snakes and hope that I never come across them and let my fear consume and control my day. That’s the difference to me of living in fear of something rather than living with the fear of something.
The same can go with my BMD and mania. I do fear waking up in a psych ward again (in good cause, those places are for the birds) but if I lived in fear of this rather than just with it then I really wouldn’t be living my life at all. That’s exactly what my mania wants to do, to hold me back in fear. It wants me to live in fear of it instead of living my life just with the fear of it. Simply put it just wants me to give up on my life (no way is that happening, I’m not giving up dick towels, skittles, and cleavage; it’s just not going to happen).
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!