Friday, June 24, 2011

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 3 Issue 24


If you’re ever enjoying a Reds pre or post-game on FOX Sports and hear a childish and immature fan yell those words over the broadcast you’ll know it’s me. I’m not sure exactly when I started heckling Jim Day but I do know it started sometime when I lived in The Nasty a couple years back. This heckling obsession of mine even followed me to Chicago where I actually got a responsive action from Jim at Wrigley (probably wasn’t expecting a Reds fan to heckle him in Wrigleyville though, yeah I’m stealthy like a ninja). I think I’ve always enjoyed just messing with people and that was reassured this past Father’s Day.

We were at my grandparents house this past Sunday looking through old family albums (I didn’t even recognize Stubby with two hands) and reminiscing about the good old days through storytelling. One of those stories G’pa was telling involved my first trip to Hawaii, my first flight alone, my first jet lag, the first time G’pa offered to piss on my foot (I stepped on a sea urchin and no he didn’t piss on me, that would have been worse than actually stepping on that venomous little devil) and the last time I ever used a payphone.

So prior to my trip to Hawaii I purchased some highly trendy thrift store tees (because I’m a follower and not a leader) and wore one the first day at the beach. One of our trip companions asked why I was wearing an “Apache” shirt as she was a teacher and interested in my second hand garment. Of course I can’t just say I grab it off the ½ price Tuesday rack at Goodwill so I go into detail about a senior high school English project I was working on (playing to her heart strings of course). That this project was some kind of genealogy project in class in which I discovered I was an eighth Apache (or some bullshit like that) so that’s why I got the shirt. G’pa said she was so impressed with my knowledge of our family as well as in how I much I showed pride in my heritage (got her).

The last time I used a payphone was actually also in Hawaii on this same trip and it was to call my girlfriend back on the mainland (how you like my Island lingo). This blonde haired and blued eyed Ram cheerleader (shocker I know, totally not my type) was asking me about my trip and how it was going. I couldn’t resist myself so I said the trip was fine and then told her that I was shocked because there was a bunch of Asians on the island and that they were all really tall. She was flabbergasted and couldn’t comprehend this fact, stating she always thought they were so short (maybe she was a little racist but hey, no body’s perfect). I said I did too but then I went on to explain to her that when you convert the metric system of meters and centimeters that the Asians use to the standard system of feet and inches we use in the States it actually makes them taller than us. I’m still unclear to this day if she knows now that I was totally full of shit back then or not (got her).

I think in a way this writing of mine is just another way of me messing with someone. Unfortunately it’s actually myself I’m messing with when you really boil it down and I’m not sure if this is going to work out for me or not. I mean I know that ever since I’ve started writing things may have not changed all that much with the BMD but I do seem to be handling this all a lot better though. Maybe messing with my BMD by writing these ridiculous stories every week makes me feel not so intimated by it. Like messing with it makes me feel like I’m leveling the playing field a little or something (but on the other hand this all could backfire pretty bad because I’ve always heard you can’t bullshit a bullshitter).

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,

Friday, June 17, 2011

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 3 Issue 23

As much as I have complained about my redshirt kindergarten year in the past there were some benefits to the situation. Say for instance I was able to drive to high school my freshman year (still didn’t help with the ladies though), I was able to buy my brother dip in high school (just doing my big brother duties), I could buy alcohol my sophomore year at Witt (did kind of help with the ladies) and most importantly I was able to buy porn legally my entire senior year in high school (hello Lion’s Den).

The beauty of this is that my Junior and Senior years in high school I worked at the Outlet Malls right beside the Lion’s Den. I worked with a couple friends from South Chuck and the Lion’s Den was right on our way home from work (how convenient). We stopped in every few weeks (or maybe more) to see if there was anything new that caught our eyes or anything we had to have that was recently put on clearance (although in hindsight buying anything on clearance in a porn shop probably isn’t the best idea). During these frequent stops I at times would cross my fingers on the way in in hope that I might see someone in the Den that I knew didn’t want to see me in there at the same time as them.

I thought it would be great to walk in and catch a glimpse of the right winged ultra conservative religious extremist teacher checking out the wall of dildos to the back right corner (yeah I know where they’re at). I always hoped it would be a teacher of mine that I could blackmail to turn say that B suddenly into an A (thanks foot fetish, that teach is a real freak for toes). Unfortunately that never happened but I did encounter some interesting peeps with my semi-frequent (ok just frequent) trips to the Den.

Social interaction in the Den at times could be a little tricky because the majority of people shopping in there would act like no one could see them. They seemed to behave like they were ashamed that they were in a porn shop looking at TNA or something. I never really understood this, I mean we’re all sick perverts in here so lighten up and just be you. I’m not sure why these people were so backwards, I mean we’re in a porn shop; it’s supposed to be a happy and fun place where you can go to simply be yourself with no fear of judgment.

I have always tried to take that mentality of “simply being myself” when it came to dealing with this BMD of mine. I have been under the same impression since my first doctor’s appointment post psych ward in Denver and that is that this is a part of me. That it is not going anywhere and it is something I’ll be living with for the rest of my life. With this being said I just approached it as open and straightforward as I could. I knew I could never hide it or run from it because it’s just too huge to do so. It plays too significant of a role in my life to try and act like it doesn’t exist. The only way I know how to handle all of this is to be me and not be ashamed of whom I am (porn pervert or whatever). Some people maybe aren’t comfortable with who they really are. Others may care too much about what their peers may think about them to be themselves. I’m not sure of the reasons for everyone else but I do know why I live my life the way I live it; and that’s because this way is just the way I like to fight.

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,

Friday, June 10, 2011

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 3 Issue 22

As I’ve mentioned before there is no cure for this BMD of mine but the Lithium does seem to help (so far so good at least). However seeing as though Lithium is not the cure my mania still decides to come out and play every once and awhile. One of these times happened last week when the mania decided to take my mind on a little journey. While I may have never left the present my mind was undoubtedly at Armageddon.

In case some of you have forgotten what you learned from Church or wherever I’ll review the story of Armageddon real quick. Now despite the best efforts of Hollywood to redefine Armageddon it’s actually a geographical place and not a frickin’ giant asteroid no one was able to see until we had like two weeks till impact (yet the Hubble Telescope is capable of looking back into time; yeah, my ass Hollywood). It’s on a hill in Israel known as Megiddo and overlooks the Jezreel valley (I totally had to look that up) where the Anti-Christ gathers the world’s rulers for battle (basically the end of time if you’re a real pessimist about life).

Well to sum up the introduction here my mania sent me to this hill and while there I was obviously fighting against the Anti-Christ due to the fact that I was a soldier of the light in episode uno (that kind of thing carry’s over from manic experience to manic experience). JC is coming down from Heaven to save the day and my mania puts the present day me right in the middle of this situation and my dialogue goes something like this:

“JC! Where the hell have you been man? We’ve been getting slaughtered down here, literally look at all the bodies, it’s not good. I mean how are you so late? It’s not like you don’t have the best seat in the house or anything. You’re God’s son and you were up in heaven; I’m really confused on how you were missing all of this going on down here. I mean honestly, how couldn’t you know what was going on? What gives; we obviously need a ton of help here with this asshole?”

“What? You overslept?!? Ok, who was supposed to wake up Jesus?”

“Judas? Really man? I mean given the past and everything you think you’d be on top of something important like this. You really screwed us here again didn’t ya bud?”

“Wait, JC, all you brought was a sword? You’re kidding right?”

“Oh you were running behind because of Judas so you only had time to grab a sword huh? That’s just great, well let’s just hope the Anti-Christ doesn’t have a shield or anything.”


I’ve read that many people who suffer from mania have some issues giving it up. That they will quit their meds in hope of feeling the rush from the mania that they once before lived in. I can see myself falling a bit into this frame of mind at times. I do love my mania because it’s taken me places that no one else in this world has ever been before. I have seen things that I didn’t think were possible and to say I could give that all up and not want it back is crazy. I just have to learn that like most things in life moderation is the determining factor on how good or how bad it can get with my mania (easier said than done though I'm afraid).

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,

Friday, June 3, 2011

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 3 Issue 21

I never wanted this BMD to define me, to dictate what moves I may take in life, or to change me. I think for that reason I refused to read or research anything about BMD the first eight months or so after episode uno and my official bipolar disorder type I diagnosis. I suppose at the time I figured if I didn’t know anything about BMD and its effects on its sufferers then I couldn’t change and therefore BMD wouldn’t be able to dictate my life or define me (a feeble attempt to try and stop the inevitable I suppose).

Two years ago this upcoming week I started writing this blog as a form of a therapeutic release, a way to tell my family and friends what was really going on in this crazy head of mine at times, and maybe as a way to share the craziness in my life for the world to hopefully enjoy. Over the past two years I’ve seen not only myself but my blog change because of this BMD but it’s for the better I believe and I came to this conclusion with the following statistical support (don’t act like you’re not impressed).

2% of the U.S. population is bipolar
70% of that 2% is depressed
.6% of the rest of us are manic
50% of .6% has psychosis in their mania
50% of .3% has chronic manic episode issues
.15% chance I’d have this form of BMD I have (well add in the fact that I also have zero family history of bipolar disorder and that number probably shrinks even more, but I had little luck trying to find that obscure bipolar stat on the World Wide Web)

After I initially tracked down (yea obviously by the impressive stats above I actually read and research about BMD now) and put together these statistics the feeling I had was a little bit different as well as a little tough to accurately describe. Let me try to compare it to something. Ok, like let’s say I’m driving down the road in my Jeep (Jeep wave) on a sunny clear summer day when suddenly a lightning bolt strikes 50 feet in front of me with no visible signs of clouds anywhere around. The only thing going through my mind at that point (as well as with the statistics) was:

“What the fuck is going on?”

I mean how in the hell does this BMD not totally effect me? I feel as though everything in this world is always changing. This of course would undoubtedly include me and to think that I have this BMD and believe I could stop this change is absolutely crazy (pun intended). I have difficulty looking at the numbers above and believing that they mean nothing and that I should continue on my life and not try to change. I’m better than that now, and that’s exactly how I know BMD has changed me because I now no longer run from it but rather embrace it and look to it to define me.

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,