Friday, November 16, 2012

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 4 Issue 32

Some guys are just naturally smooth and charming. They understand how to talk to women and to get exactly what they want. It’s like second nature to them; they don’t have to think about their next line in the conversation. It comes just oh so natural to them. On my good nights I can come close to these guys but then there’s my bad nights, when, well when something like this happens.

It was a few years back and after meeting the love of my life for that night we ended up back at my place. Things were getting pretty hot and heavy as we made our way into the bedroom when the talking started. I must admit I was a little caught off guard but that’s really not an excuse for my behavior.

As she is lying on the bed she looks up to me and says:

“Give it to me Derek!”

I said, “I’m about to.”

She repeats herself, “Give it to me Derek!”

I sing this time, “Cuz that’s what I was born to do!” then instantly start laughing.

She wasn’t entertained and that’s where the night and that story ends. I’ve always had this trouble of kind of drifting away when I really should be paying attention. For instance when I was in Little League while playing second base I would always get in trouble for drawing in the dirt between pitches (better than getting made fun of for standing like a woman at midfield during soccer games; it’s just more comfortable dammit).

I know that’s weird and so is losing your own imaginary games as a kid. The whole point of playing imaginary games as a kid with yourself is to win the game, to have fun. But no, even in my imagination I would get distracted somehow and end up losing the game I was making up. I don’t know how many times I’d lose my imaginary game by like a point, that shit is irritating and usually would lead to me quitting the game.

I never really thought about those small things in my past (insert penis joke here) other than it was just me. I mean I definitely know I was the only one drawing G.I. Joe stick figures instead of shading towards the middle but you’ll have that. The whole losing your own games as a kid still baffles me because I could have simply changed the damn rules but this BMD can be crazy at times. Even so it can be a little comforting knowing that there’s a reason for the way I do or did some things.

For instance why did I have to make up that entire story about the one night stand from earlier in this post? Oh I know why, because it makes me laugh. I will say though it that does sound like something I’d do.
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,

Friday, November 2, 2012

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 4 Issue 31

Sandy, Kentucky Long Butts, Ironic Jerseys, and 9 airplane bottles of Jim Beam couldn’t ruin this pic (but somehow Derek could).

Ok I admit it, I really don’t think that Derek ruined it and he might even have made it awesome. These were our seats for The World’s Largest Cocktail Party (or Georgia v Florida for you Yanks). This is a long lasting rivalry of a game that’s filled with classic southern traditions like Frat Beach. What, you haven’t heard of Frat Beach? Well you can simply YouTube it or….well just YouTube it, that’s a lot easier.

Although I do have one complaint (other than I was a communist for not voting for Romney) and that’s there was a frickin’ hurricane. I’m blaming sandy for the lack of appropriate beach attire. For some reason it was trendy/cool/unattractive as hell to wear Kentucky long butt shorts and ironic jerseys. I’m definitely losing touch with fashion as I don’t particularly find men’s jean short cut-offs pulled above the belly button attractive on; well anyone. They form that long flat ass look so popular in the commonwealth of Kentucky (and I’ve had my run-ins with Kentucky).

I guess the Larry Johnson Hornet’s jersey kind of makes it funny but I didn’t think all so much; just disappointment here. Those jean shorts make you look like you’re on your way to a soccer tournament for your kids. T.O.D. doesn’t play that.

That’s probably more than a little confusing, see there’s already one Derek in Atlanta (and more than likely even more if I looked into it) so I’m The Other Derek; or T.O.D. As much as I thought it was a gag at first it really does make the conversation go a lot smoother. Overall my trip down South (although now for some reason calling barns carriage houses annoys me) was a success.

Well maybe not a total success because I still haven’t tried grits (I’ll eat them on my OWN terms thank you) and I didn’t look for any where to live. The grits are supposed to be funny but the whole living situation is kind of serious. I’ve been planning a move down South for a while now because I figured I’d be the one to have the accent down there and that would help me (I was reminded that it really doesn’t). I also did think that the mild winters couldn’t hurt and that the job market would be a little better.

Other than being slightly bigger than South Solon I’ve also got a pretty decent network in the ATL so I figured somebody would hook it up. But about a week before I took off to watch #2 Florida lose (which made it even better) I was contacted about a job here in Ohio that’s in Sports and Sales. I interviewed right before I left and then was offered a job while down in Georgia.

It’s been four years since I’ve felt this healthy, four years of getting my ass kicked in so many different ways that I wrote a book about it, four years since I’ve been able to really attempt to stand on my own, and four years of just wanting a chance of getting back to a resemblance of the life I used to have. As much as I want to move South, I just couldn’t pass this opportunity up; it’s just been too long. Besides I can still move in the future, and hopefully by then that Kentucky Long Butts trend makes its way back to the commonwealth and dies there.

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,