In honor
of the Awkward Family Photos that I absolutely can’t get enough of online I’m
going to spend a little bit of time talking about an awkward family moment that
I’m sure many of you can relate to. I’m undoubtedly talking about the Birds and
the Bees talk that most of you got (if you didn’t and are confused I’m talking
about sex). I never had the talk with my mom and I’m pretty sure she was just
happy to find a condom in the laundry to solidify the fact my brother wasn’t
spreading his teenage seed (that’s just a guess though). I really didn’t get
the Birds and the Bees talk from Stubby either; what I did get was a rather
graphic and detailed video (I’m not telling how old I was because it would
probably piss off Mom). Instead I had this conversation with my G’ma after I
had been dating my first girlfriend for awhile in college (I repeat I was in
college).
G’ma: “Derek
little buddy I wanted to talk to you about something that’s a little
uncomfortable to talk about with your grandma.”
Me: “Um,
OK.”
G’ma: “Well
you and Jill have been dating for a little while now and I know I’ve always
said that you need to wait for marriage to have sex. But you two really need to
have sex just once before you’re married to make sure neither of you two are
gay.”
Me: “Well
G’ma I think you’re right. And me and Jill have had sex once but we still aren’t
quite sure whether we’re gay or not so we’re going to keep at it until we find
out. You have my word on that.”
OK, I
really didn’t say that last line but the rest of the story was spot on. I think
my only response at the time was:
“Yeah G’ma,
times are changing.”
To this
day I don’t even know what that really means. The best part of that story is I’m
pretty sure my G’ma still thinks I’m gay. Although she did mention to Monkey
that if only I could find a girl that would make me happy it would help. Personally
I think I need to find the girl that’s OK with my psychotic manic episodes and
then I’ll be happy (any takers? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?). It’s pretty
obvious she’s just trying to help so I’m alright with it all.
For the
first year or so after my BMD diagnosis in 2008 no one particularly tried to
help out. In fact really no one tried to help really at all. I guess that’s to
be expected when most people who knew about my BMD were scared of it. I’ve
looked into the eyes of someone who’s been a lot of things, but nothing
compares to the feeling of looking into the eyes of someone who fears you. To
see that fear in their eyes from merely talking to you is unlike any feeling I
had experienced before.
I mean I
wasn’t ever upset about it, I understood it and hell I was even a little scared
of myself back then (now I just love myself, haha). I didn’t understand
anything that was going on with me and that uncertainty and unfairness of it
all can be terrifying at times. But it’s getting better and not only with
myself. G’ma still has her home remedies like my gay sex test above (for
instance Mt. Dew and Potatoes; that’s a whole other story) but they’re for my
BMD now and not my sexuality (I think). For longest the time it was more than difficult
for all of us to even grasp the BMD diagnosis and now we’re home remedying it
(I like it a lot).
Since many of my manic experiences
involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my
enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!
Coming Correct,
d01roK
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