Friday, August 26, 2011

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 3 Issue 33

Side Effects from Abilify:

Severe allergic reactions: rash; hives; itching; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue; abnormal thinking (I’m baffled on how you differentiate between normal and abnormal thinking when you have bipolar disorder); chest pain; confusion (I’m confused on what I’m supposed to look for in confusion); fainting; fast, slow, or irregular heartbeat; fever, chills, sore throat; increased sweating; involuntary movements of the tongue (how on God’s earth does “medicine” make you do that?), face, mouth, jaw, arms, legs, or back: eg, chewing movements, puckering of mouth, puffing of cheeks; loss of control over urination (OK, I admit it, I pissed myself once, literally woke up from a dream, looked down and said “What the hell? I just pissed myself.”); loss of coordination; muscle tremor, jerking, or stiffness (too easy); new or worsening mental or mood problems: eg, anxiety, depression, agitation, panic attacks, aggressiveness, impulsiveness, irritability, hostility, exaggerated feeling of well-being, inability to sit still; one-sided weakness (I don’t even understand that one); seizures; severe or persistent restlessness; shortness of breath; suicidal thoughts or attempts (these were the worst, by a long shot); swelling of the hands, ankles, or feet; symptoms of high blood sugar: eg, increased thirst, urination, or appetite; unusual weakness (oh, that must have been the reason why I could barely get the 135lbs up on the bench-press); trouble swallowing; trouble walking; unusual bruising (does this mean you wake up with weird shaped bruises?); unusual tiredness or weakness; vision or speech changes (once I woke up in the morning only speaking in rhymes, actually that’s just a little white lie, but it would have been a fun way to pass the time).

Honestly new “medicines” can be more than a little frustrating for multiple reasons but I’ll try to break it down in a clearer way:

Derek is normal. Then Derek is manic. Derek runs half naked around Denver. Derek gets put on 72 hour hold in psych ward. Derek gets put on Abilify. Derek is told medicine will make his craziness better. Derek is told do not go off your meds. Derek slips into deep depression. Derek experiences suicidal thoughts for the first time in his life. Derek decides to ignore docs and quit said meds. Derek is no longer suicidal.

OK it’s pretty obvious that I’m bias as all get out on this one but you’re just going to have to deal with it. Every time, and I do mean every time, I’ve talked to a new or potential doc for this BMD they have either put me on or tried to put me on a new medicine (Abilify, Depakote, Trileptal, Geodon, Lithium (OK I actually like that one)). I’m not inferring that the docs may be getting any kind of kick back from the pharmaceutical companies to push these drugs; I’m flat out saying it sure as hell feels like it.

This all may seem a little like coming out of left field here but I have decided to switch docs again because of multiple reasons but we’ll just say it’s because of location, location, location. I really have no idea about my new doc other than he’s within 30 miles of me, will take my high risk insurance, and is open for new patients (not really how I’d like to pick my healthcare providers but life can be a bitch sometimes).

I suppose I’m a little interested/excited/anxious to see if this doc can do what none of the rest have, make my life easier with BMD, but I’m not really confident of it. I think that’s due to my trust issues from all the previous experiences I’ve had with docs, “medicine”, and side-effects. All in all though I just hope he doesn’t try to force another medicine down my throat for whatever kickback he may get. Because I really could do without the suicidal thoughts, and I could definitely do without the whole pissing myself thing too.

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,

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