“I never would have thought you were bipolar, you don’t seem like it.”
I guess we all have our own mental images of what bipolar disorder or any other mental health condition looks like. Personally before my diagnosis and vacations in the psych wards I always associated this picture with mental health:
I have no idea why my image is of a Muppet but just look at Beaker, he’s got all the physical features of a crazy person (yeah it’s not offensive as long as you’re crazy when you say that). I suppose I, along with my friend above, have this preconceived notion or idea what mental health looks like from a direct result of the environment we grew up in.
I never saw the media portray someone with a mental health condition as a real person growing up. They always seemed nonhuman in a way to me, like they didn’t share the same emotions, feelings, fears, joys, pains, excitement and everything in between like me (that wouldn’t draw ratings). They weren’t portrayed as a real person so they weren’t real to me (I was a little off on that).
The fact of the matter is that we are real people with real problems just like everyone else (at least I hope everyone struggles with online dating as much as me). We worry about the same life issues everyone else has except we are given a burden of so much more. No matter what I would have changed growing up or done differently it would not have affected whether or not I was BMD (just ask the “M.A.S.H.” voices I heard as a child, yea we’ll get to that suppressed memory soon enough). There is no family history of BMD and yet I have such a severe case that features psychosis and hospitalization.
I’ve had blood work, MRI’s, EEG’s, been in Group Therapy, am in personal therapy, and every other complex test, still there is no answer to what my BMD is or where it came from. All of this naturally leads me to wonder why do I have this then? What am I suppose to do with something that can only be described as crazy? Am I supposed to fight the stigmas associated with BMD? Am I supposed to break the stereotypes my friends and others hold? Am I supposed to be a voice for those who may not be able to speak for themselves? Am I simply supposed to write? (Can it be that simple?)
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!