Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Good I’m glad you have an opinion but you’re the reader and I’m the writer so we’ll do it however I like (this is what a dictatorship looks like, count your blessings). I’m going to start out with the bad news and that is I did not receive any of the 15 or so internships I applied for to complete my Masters this summer (as if I didn’t already feel shitty enough about myself). In fact I only received one phone call/interview and that position I have no qualifications or background for (those 19 and change years I spent in education seem to be really paying off now).
I must admit that first paragraph was a little sarcastic but I think there is a blessing in disguise in my utter failure at securing a promiment future for myself (dammit I just can’t quit doing it). I was reading some BMD facts the other day when I stumbled across one that stated:
That manic episodes usually appear within 2-4 year spans of each other in people suffering from chronic mania issues.
Obviously that didn’t necessarily make my day because episode uno was at the end of 2007 and beginning of 2008 and episode deuce was at the end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010 (see the pattern, yea things could get interesting at the end of this year). This did bring a bit of concern my way at first but then I realized some core differences from then and now (mainly that I’m not a complete idiot any longer, I only have that trait on every other weekend and six weeks a summer). The first being that I actually know I’m BMD now and secondly I’m actually on my meds now (I feel like I’m taking crazy pills over here!).
I’ve been telling myself since episode deuce that I was going to put my health first but my actions said otherwise (Chicago, mistake). I’ve finally got insurance (take that, take that, take that, take that), I’ve found a doc and counselor I like (one more than the other but I never said I didn’t play favorites), and the time (thank you internships). Not getting those internships is going to allow me to concentrate solely on my health for the next year or so which is looking to be a big indicator on whether or not my efforts are going to be paid off (I really don't want to go back to the psych ward, two times is my limit).
When next winter rolls around (usually the time my mania decides to show how much of a dick it can be) I’ll be on my meds for a solid year (first time for everything) and if I can get through the winter without any issues I’d say my chronic mania concerns should be significantly reduced (there’s no cure, only “preventative” care). So while I’m not going to be able to work for the Reds (how in the hell do I not get a call for a corporate sales internship, that’s the environment I was trained in, ok last vent I promise) I know I’ll be able to focus more on my health than if I was charging back into corporate America (I really hate cubicles too).
Oh yeah the good news. Well if, and I repeat this is a big if, I am lucky enough to entertain a young lady at my place I’ll no longer have to sneak them in past my dad. That’s right I’ve moved out into my own place so spread the word to your single girl friends, I no longer live with my parents (that sounded way less pathetic in my head).
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!