March 1st, 2010 at 10:10 AM
I’m 30,000 feet in the air right now and I’m not manic, which is different to say the least. I’m somewhere over Ohio on the way to the Pennsylvania state line and the sun is shining. I’m listening to my music and “Hey There Delilah” is playing and Denver is on my mind. I’m supposed to be heading to Chi-Town to internship hunt but I needed a break. I’m reading Electroboy A Memoir of Mania and feeling relieved that someone else understands the craziness in my life. I’m feeling a bit guilty for actually taking a vacation considering the past two years I’ve only worked 4 months. I’m dwelling on sleeping on the floor at the foot of my Mom and Step-Dad’s bed when I was manic. I’m trying to catch the ideas running wild around in my mind. I’m confused and looking for answers that will never be found. I’m scared of the truth and terrified of the unknown. I’m on vacation…
I had one of the worst and best vacations I have ever had last week. Since graduating from the Witt bubble almost five years ago (it seems like only yesterday I was streaking the hollow totally sober and able minded) I really haven’t had a vacation. Whenever I had a extended time off work I would plan a trip home to more than likely make some bad decisions. Don’t get me wrong I less than three the ocean and beach like any other winter trapped Midwesterner but there’s something about home that refuses to let go. In any case I was going to use this spring break as an opportunity to take my first vacation since spring break ’03 (my 1st cruise and 1st time I’ve been booed off a dance floor, true story ask my stand-up roommate of the time Robert Downey Jr.) and get away for a little bit. To be honest I did feel a little bit guilty for taking a trip due to the fact the only thing I’ve done in the past 25 months is work about 4 of them and enjoy life the rest. But dammit I’ve gone manic and hospitalized twice for two weeks, quit two jobs unwillingly, moved back home with my parents, battled depression, visited numerous doctors, was attempted to put into out-patient rehab, a test subject, and I wanted a break (I’m sorry for yelling).
I had always wanted to visit Costa Rica from the stories Stubby told us but never could find the time while working. I decided to give my internship hunt a break as I wasn’t getting much feedback from the agencies and the lone feedback I received wasn’t favorable (political way of saying it sucked). So I decided a week before spring break I’ll cancel my trip to Chi-Town for internship hunting and take a trip to deserted beaches, lush tropical vegetation, pristine clear waters, and away from my manic mind back home. The only problem was there would be three of us on this trip (yes I was the third wheel with my old man and his lady…what has my life come to) and there was not enough time to get her a passport so we swapped Costa Rica with Key West (even swap if you ask me).
Not really even at all to come and find out. Now I’ve already commented on my opinion of motorcycles in this blog but I understood the appeal (I officially rescind this). Please recall I had my mind set on a getting away and clocking out for a week, you can imagine the difficultly with this when it’s bike week in Florida. I really enjoy walking down the street at dusk just enjoying the views and the environment of the Keys when six middle-aged accountants from Cleveland ride by on their Harley’s and let me know how small their junk are by revving their bikes at me, thanks boys (they all enjoyed beating the ridiculous amount of roosters to the punch by riding around at 8 in the morning as well). To accompany this, the best meal I had there was Burger King. Maybe we picked the worst restaurants but I had to send flowers and chocolates to my butt to apologize for doing that to it after eating the food there. The beaches and warm ocean was swapped out for near record lows in temperatures and 30 MPH gusts of wind, I got had.
I had a couple really bad days in Key West and they were the type of days that make you change something. I keep forgetting I’ve only been out of the hospital for 2 months and the last time I had an episode I was packing my things and moving home from Denver and battling the first stage of depression at this point. I spread myself thin at times trying to prove something to myself. This has yet to work to my benefit and yesterday I had to quit my volunteer/internship with Do Right!. It wasn’t something I wanted to do because I did really enjoy hanging out with the kids but it had to be done. On a brighter note I was selected for an interview with the sports marketing agency in Chicago I’ve been wanting all along. I go this Friday and then get to stay in the Windy City for the St. Patty’s Day Parade (I’ll be in the guy in the money white hat and comedic shirt) and hang out with my sister again (btw we got dead last in the flip cup tourney…no finger pointing but a certain pony wasn’t on point). Lookout Chicago this guy might be on his way…Go Sox! (I refuse to root for the Cubs as they are divisional foes of the Red Legs)
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!