I have a midterm tomorrow in Sports Finance (yes it’s as fun as it sounds) and I have yet to start studying. I really did have the intentions to begin last night but I found a Warren Miller film on Netflix on Demand and I spent the next 80 minutes getting lost in my mind. When I was being admitted in the Nasty the only evaluation question I remember was:
“What can we help you with while you are here, what do you want from us?”
“I’m lost. I need help getting back.”
The next questions I have no idea about because that first night all I can recall is sitting in the hallway of the unit (Southside!) rocking back and forth and being terrified of showering (I didn’t want to rinse away the poison and hurt people, typical ya know). I felt like I was back about 2 weeks ago when I stood up and danced to Pretty Lights “After Midnight LIVE Mix” by myself in the middle of the day. The following weekend I attended the farm show in Louisville, KY and had a blast for three reasons.
#1.) A good road trip will include at least one new band/musician/entertainer/stripper that has been introduced into your life. (Rob Heiliger is all of the above and then some)
#2.) Gournal entry quality trips extend your branches or strengthen your roots. (The Farm Show, Zanzabar, and Chicken Stomp represented this very nicely)
#3.) Learn something new about someone. (Cuzin Art is a DICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
The last couple of weeks I’ve felt like myself again which was amazing but unfortunately temporary. I’ve been feeling my mania again that had been gone since the episode. I’m not manic (calm down Mom) I can just feel it like I did after my first episode and it can at times pull me places. I was dead sure I was moving to Chi-Town after my classes to find an internship but lately I’ve been thinking of a couple other destinations as well. Now while the mania may push and pull me from time to time there’s a crazy thing happening. I feel more like myself when I jump from idea to idea than I do when I was sure of everything (makes perfect sense I know).
Another reason for my procrastination to begin working towards the real world is that my sister is coming in on Thursday. My sister is a southern belle of a pony that is currently responsible for the entire city of Atlanta’s social calendars (plus she’s a newlywed so her sched is intense). I almost begin to shake thinking of her coming to town because without her I’m not sure where I’d be today. During episode deuce the mania really flipped everything on me and it made me trust absolutely no one (not even myself). So when I needed help it got complicated to ask for help for myself while at the same time trying to fool myself into thinking I'm not getting help. Needless to say this involved a 3 hour conversation on the phone with my sister as I drifted in and out of the levels of consciousness in my mind (basically holding my breath, crawling on my stomach, flipping my phone, speaking quickly and sharply, and trying not to end mankind…just one of those days). So thanks to that lil’ pony I was able to make it to the hospital and ask for them to help me find myself. (so the midterm just isn’t a priority right meow).
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!