“So have you decided on what you’d like to watch or listen to while in the MRI machine?”
“Yeah, I’m going to watch Spaceballs.”
“Ok, do you need magnifying lenses or is your eyesight alright?”
“Well I don’t have glasses but last time I was manic I did lose my vision a bit.”
“Really? Well let’s put on the viewing goggles and we’ll see how you do.”. . .
“Yep, I’m going to needed thoses lenses, having trouble seeing what’s on the screen.”
“That’s so interesting, I’ve never heard of that before. Someone actually losing their vision while manic and regaining it afterwards.”
Yeah you could say that gave me a bit of a weird feeling, knowing that the woman that’s seen a ton of people manic yet has never heard of someone losing their vision when manic until me. But to be honest at the time I was also almost a little proud to know how different I was even in my mania. It should be pointed out that I also shrink about an inch when I’m manic as well which isn’t weird at all or normal when it comes to madness.
Now in case any of you find yourself manic off your ass and in a psych ward that becomes the place a doctor finds you and puts you in a study involving a MRI machine I have one piece of advice; always watch a movie and never listen to just music in that thing. I made the mistake during my second session of choosing to listen to music rather than watching a movie and I regretted it only after about 10 minutes in. In case you're unaware of the procedures of getting a MRI I’ll let you know that you have to lie completely still for about forty five minutes (completely still mind you because if the machine jacks up due to your movement you have to start the 45 minute session over, and that’s even more miserable) while all these noises bang on and off around your head as you’re in foot wide metal freezing ass cold tube with your nuts itching; it’s pretty terrible.
The first session when I was manic and kind of blind I watched a movie which passed the time pretty well, it probably also helped I was hallucinating and thought I was combing the dessert for Lone Starr: “Man, we ain’t found shit!”. The second was one of the worst experiences because listening to Eminem for about an hour completely still in a MRI machine was a bad decision, real bad.
However my biggest take away from my MRI experiences was how different I was in regards to my symptoms to others that the technician had worked with. The reason for this is because I’m vain and enjoy being different and people paying attention to me. Not really, but those differences intrigued me because it’s definitely interesting seeing how many commonalties I’ve to notice with manic’s while they are in their mania (it’s crazy how much other people’s crazy all have in common). A lot of people here would reference “Alice in Wonderland” by saying let’s jump down the rabbit hole but I’m more of a “Wizard of Oz” fan so let’s follow the yellow brick road.
I find it fascinating that many people who go manic from bipolar disorder experience their first episode in their mid twenties (which tells me madness is very punctual). To think it doesn’t matter your culture, upbringing, family history, geographically location, or whatever when you go manic for the first time it will more than likely be the same age/time as everyone else (what?). That while you’re manic you are going to experience heavy spirituality and religious themes within your madness. So if you believe in Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, that you’re an alien or whatever the madness uses that (what?). How about when you’re manic and sitting on top of a roof in Denver and feel an oneness and connection with all that surrounds you and while it’s pretty evident you’re having thoughts of delusional grandiosity you’re not alone and actually you’re normal when it comes to madness because most manic’s typically have that feeling (what?).
These are a few commonalities that I’ve noticed from talking to my doctors to reading (something other than Hollywood gossip) and everything in between. One could almost argue from my findings that in a way madness can be reality and stability can be insanity (not me, but one could). I am simply in awe of how much we know of mania from the common symptoms shared by those who suffer from it to the point it’s identifiable in any culture yet we have no idea what it is; thus we call it madness. But if it’s madness, why is there consistency?
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!