Now you may want to write this down because it will be on the final (it will be an open note final though). Anyways I’m sure most of us remember English class and the five questions every good story should have. Just for giggles I’m going share those for this post now:
Dr. A and myself
Like normal people
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear ... "
1 John 4:18
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.
1 Corinthians 16:13
I was describing my first experience with someone fighting schizophrenia with Dr. A and how Paul would wonder around the psych ward reciting biblical verse after biblical verse. He was on my wing and from time to time I could hear him pacing up and down the hall passing by my door with his head down and mumbling these verses. This was my first experience with true madness (well other than my own) and it put a feeling in me that was one I had never really felt before.
I will admit I was a little intimidated by Paul as he was a few inches taller than me and more than a few pounds bigger. I think I wasn’t sure how to exactly act around him, like I didn’t want to piss him off but at the same time I was pretty interested in him. It blew my mind how the schizophrenia can wreck havoc upon his mind to the point of endless paranoia and psychosis that make day to day activities almost impossible yet from memory he’s reciting biblical verse after biblical verse.
It doesn’t stop there either, he was also an unbelievable piano player. I think I’ve mentioned before how’d he jump on the piano at night (you know after all our activites and groups) and be able to play just about any request. It was un-fuckin-believable. I mean this same guy slept a few doors down the hall from me and needed assistance for the most basic “life” functions yet he could get those same people who helped him all day to dance. The paranoid behavior and obsessive recitation of holy words was replaced with a smile and pure delight demeanor. I had never seen anything like it before.
I was sharing this experience with Dr. A like a normal person (it’s awesome when your doc treats you like a real person) and sharing my thoughts on schizophrenia as the symptoms are very similar to ones I experience in mania. He agreed and went into a discussion about how the key difference between BMD and schizophrenia is the continual onslaught of symptoms experienced. See with BMD I’m real up and down and while it may seem like a pain in the ass at times those who fight schizophrenia have it much worse. The symptoms do not peak and fall off and maybe return but rather continue to enhance getting worse and worse as time goes by for the sufferer.
Dr. A gave me a name of a painter that was stricken with schizophrenia and told me to experience the change of his art over time. I’ve attached the link below and it’s pretty cool but I still see creativity within his art, even late into the schizophrenic years. As awful as mental health issues such as my BMD and Paul’s schizophrenia can be and at times seem to be flat out evil I still think there’s something there. I mean if you look at Paul’s ability to wail on the piano or Louis Wain’s paintings I think it’s coming from somewhere. Who did it, what did it, where did it come from, or how did it happen might be explained by chemicals in the brain, maybe by psychosis, or is it something else? I don’t know, I think it’s pretty cool though (but I did meet one of these guys in a psych ward so...).
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!