Friday, September 16, 2011

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 3 Issue 36

Half way creative bipolar man seeking extremely talented musician for accompaniment for a potentially “Sweeping the Nation” single. Lyrics already provided merely seeking melody, rhythm, pitch, and musical presence that ‘gets the people going’. Any and all interested parties please reach out to the comment section of this post with contact information.

Prior to my episodes I was never really known for my writing; in fact I was absolutely terrible at it. English was my least favorite subject in school (History and Art here, yeah using both sides of my brain totally makes sense now, bipolar remember?). On my ACT I would have scored about three or four points higher if it hadn’t been for my below acceptable English scores (yeah Mom made me take it twice) on the exam. I’m not sure why I sucked so bad with writing but it was definitely evident.

I was absolutely horrible with run-on sentences (I mean I am manic though), grammar (Kelsey is the only Grammer I care about, terrible joke I know), and punctuation was just another example of one of my arch-nemeses (BTW I recently saw a bikini picture of Kristen Cavallari and even though I did not think it was possible it made me hate Jay Cutler even more). I could dive into why I think writing and English were not my faves but it’s more than likely because I thought I sucked at it.

It reminds me of why I ran track through high school and college (well until I jacked up my ankle trying to sled down the snow covered hill at the track on my butt, way to be smart Derek). I, like any normal person, really don’t care much for running, in fact it sucks. However I really like winning hence the reason I ran track (OK confession time, my first 400 meter hurdle race in college my girlfriend actually ran a faster time in her400 hurdle race-but she was on scholarship damn it) and no one I’ve ever met enjoys the pain and suffering one feels after running a 55.6 second (personal record) 400 meter hurdle race (that was totally dropped in there to make myself feel better about my girlfriend kicking my ass in the earlier comment). Sucking at something really makes me not want to do it.

That’s why after my freshman year in college I never took any more English or writing classes. I didn’t particularly enjoy writing and that was evident by my persistent procrastination to write term papers. I guess it’s really weird to think that now because one of my biggest tools in fighting this BMD is sitting here writing (the world is a crazy place). I’m really glad I’ve found something to release the craziness inside and it’s really growing on me, I mean I actually look forward to our weekly chats. I’m thankful for that, I couldn’t imagine trying to fight this without writing (it also helps that I’m pretty sure I don’t totally suck any more at it-well my editor would disagree with some of that, especially my punctuation and grammar, but at least I’m trying to get better).

In honor of this semi-new revelation of mine I’m actually going to share with all of you the first thing I wrote. It wasn’t a post, or story, or anything of prose form but actually a song. I wrote it sitting in the seal truck a few years ago to offset my boredom (no radio is the pits man). This song is of course only lyrics because I definitely can’t write music which is why I put out the call for help at the beginning of this post. Nonetheless it still makes me laugh and I hope you all enjoy it as well. It’s called “Worst Enemy”.

All I wanted to do was stay home with my girl and watch a movie
All I wanted to do was have her pick out a new DVD
All I wanted to do was introduce her to my good friend Ron Jeremy
But as we walked thru the porn shop door
She walked right past those DVD’s, she walked right to the back to my worst enemy

Vibrator, Vibrator this is your song
Vibrator, Vibrator you did me so wrong
Vibrator, Vibrator why are you so long
Vibrator, Vibrator stop being a bush hog

All I wanted to do was open her mind to new experiences
All I wanted to do was have threesome with one of her friends
All I wanted to do was her best friend Jen
But as Jen walked thru the bedroom door
She walked right past me and headed to the drawer and my worst enemy

Vibrator, Vibrator this is your song
Vibrator, Vibrator you did me so wrong
Vibrator, Vibrator why are you so long
Vibrator, Vibrator stop being a bush hog

All I wanted to do was have a simple night alone
All I wanted to do was call a sex line on the phone
All I wanted to do was play with my own bone
But as I started to crank my mind started to think
Just how good could it be with my worst enemy

Vibrator, Vibrator you rest in my palm
Vibrator, Vibrator I switch you on
Vibrator, Vibrator my you’re so loooong
Vibrator, Vibrator this was your song

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!

Coming Correct,

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