As much as I have complained about my redshirt kindergarten year in the past there were some benefits to the situation. Say for instance I was able to drive to high school my freshman year (still didn’t help with the ladies though), I was able to buy my brother dip in high school (just doing my big brother duties), I could buy alcohol my sophomore year at Witt (did kind of help with the ladies) and most importantly I was able to buy porn legally my entire senior year in high school (hello Lion’s Den).
The beauty of this is that my Junior and Senior years in high school I worked at the Outlet Malls right beside the Lion’s Den. I worked with a couple friends from South Chuck and the Lion’s Den was right on our way home from work (how convenient). We stopped in every few weeks (or maybe more) to see if there was anything new that caught our eyes or anything we had to have that was recently put on clearance (although in hindsight buying anything on clearance in a porn shop probably isn’t the best idea). During these frequent stops I at times would cross my fingers on the way in in hope that I might see someone in the Den that I knew didn’t want to see me in there at the same time as them.
I thought it would be great to walk in and catch a glimpse of the right winged ultra conservative religious extremist teacher checking out the wall of dildos to the back right corner (yeah I know where they’re at). I always hoped it would be a teacher of mine that I could blackmail to turn say that B suddenly into an A (thanks foot fetish, that teach is a real freak for toes). Unfortunately that never happened but I did encounter some interesting peeps with my semi-frequent (ok just frequent) trips to the Den.
Social interaction in the Den at times could be a little tricky because the majority of people shopping in there would act like no one could see them. They seemed to behave like they were ashamed that they were in a porn shop looking at TNA or something. I never really understood this, I mean we’re all sick perverts in here so lighten up and just be you. I’m not sure why these people were so backwards, I mean we’re in a porn shop; it’s supposed to be a happy and fun place where you can go to simply be yourself with no fear of judgment.
I have always tried to take that mentality of “simply being myself” when it came to dealing with this BMD of mine. I have been under the same impression since my first doctor’s appointment post psych ward in Denver and that is that this is a part of me. That it is not going anywhere and it is something I’ll be living with for the rest of my life. With this being said I just approached it as open and straightforward as I could. I knew I could never hide it or run from it because it’s just too huge to do so. It plays too significant of a role in my life to try and act like it doesn’t exist. The only way I know how to handle all of this is to be me and not be ashamed of whom I am (porn pervert or whatever). Some people maybe aren’t comfortable with who they really are. Others may care too much about what their peers may think about them to be themselves. I’m not sure of the reasons for everyone else but I do know why I live my life the way I live it; and that’s because this way is just the way I like to fight.
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!