"By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail."
I didn’t have the professional business skills (hell someone had to teach me how to fax my first day at AT&Tizzle), the summer internship(s) in college (too busy yelling at Lady Tiger runners on Fountain from the seal truck; “I see you baby!”), nepotism or networking behind me (unless I wanted to farm, no G’Pa I’m sorry I still don’t), or strong academics with multiple clubs and recognitions (I actually missed the GPA cut-off for the AT&T Sales Apprenticeship Program so I lied a tiny bit on my resume (oh like you’re perfect)). To compensate for all of this I was determined to not be outworked or out-prepared.
Don’t get me wrong there were some days when I would be riding the elevator up to work in the mornings and be absolutely miserable. I would be doubting myself the whole ride up on why I decided to leave everyone I know and everything I’m comfortable with for day in and day out of getting my butt kicked in at work (I mean I was a Commuication (no s) major from the cornfields of central ohio who knew nothing about city life, southern way of living, telecommunications, business etiquette, or appropriate office behavior) but I had a plan and knew no one would outwork me to get it.
That plan was simple, take my lumps for three or so years learning the ropes then go dominate in Silicon Valley (I’m refering to the porn industry of course:
•Every second - $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography
•Every second - 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography
•Every second - 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into
•Every 39 minutes: a new pornographic video is being created in the United States
I guess I should say thanks for taking a break from your porn addiction to read this; I really appreciate it). I was working hard and found pride in knowing that I was the farm boy from nowhere succeeding and making my way up the corporate AT&Tizzle ladder; it was gratifying and made me happy. You’d think those life lessons would pay dividends when fighting my BMD, but it’s kind of done the opposite.
I always had my yearly business plan completed, I would have my sales funnel up to date per quarter and sales estimates per month down to the day if all possible, my days were schedule out in my calendar with meetings and notes throughout the hours, and my trusty daily lists of projects to complete near my side but I always remained conscious of the big picture of continued success and upward movement while at AT&Tizzle. I could live with failure but not due to my lack of effort. If it’s within my control I see no reason why I shouldn’t be prepared for it. I could accept losing a deal, customer, or whatever due to outside circumstances but it drove me crazy (pun intended) to lose due to lack of effort or planning on my end (there’s simply no excuse in my mind).
But now with my BMD the planning and work ethic seem to backfire immensely (see the past two years of my life). My ambition and drive come back to haunt me by getting me too deep into situations that I’m not ready for (Chicago) and I end up hurting myself more. I’m not good at sitting on my hands and waiting (well unless I’m giving myself a stranger; yeah I like porn too) because I feel like I’m failing to prepare and ultimately preparing for failure. But I’ve got to see the big picture and realize I have to do essentially nothing for awhile to make sure I’m alright. I'm just having a little trouble not going crazy doing nothing in order to make something out of my life (it just feels awckward and alien to me, kind of like the first time I watched porn).
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!