As I was checking out the automated ProAcitv machine at the mall I came to a little bit of a realization for myself, I’m going through puberty again. Let me tell you the first time around was not all that great of an experience either. My reasons for this realization are as follows;
1. My face is breaking out like I’m 15.
2. I haven’t had any sort of opposite sex interaction in awhile.
3. My voice keeps cracking in and out.
4. My bedroom is across from my parents.
5. I’ve been to the mall three times in the past week and I’m going back tonight.
I really wish I had some clever tie-in with these and my mania but really I don’t. I am just completely weirded out by this and decided to share it (btw the ProActiv Machine is incredibly weird and legit at the same time).
This week would have been my final week at my internship in Chicago and while I’m disappointed that I wasn’t able to complete it I don’t feel like I missed out on much (well a few things but nothing a claw game can’t fix). I think I would had been pretty good there and even make it in the city of wind if my mania wouldn’t have gotten in the way but that doesn’t really change anything. I’ve made my New Year’s Resolution (so sue me cuz I’m eight months late but I get a pass considering I was locked up in Southside! during NYE) and that’s to look more to the future than the past.
I’ve been pretty hard on myself lately and worrying so much about what happened rather than being optimistic for what might be coming. I know I’m going to have my good and bad days but lately I’ve been letting my bad days take over my good. Maybe I’m being too lazy because it’s easier to not give a shit but I’m not very good at that either.
Lately it’s almost as if I’m getting down on myself for giving too much of a shit (first post with 2 curse words, probably be a trivia question later). I’ve decided to take the rest of the year off and focus on getting some sort of healthcare (probably should have done that earlier, my bad my blunder), finding a doc (and trying not to be a dick to them) and figuring out my next move. This should be a pretty simple few tasks to complete and then take a sabbatical from life, any normal person would agree. But for some reason I seem to have a lot of problems at it.
Just a final thought on my puberty experiences of late, I wanted to bring up that if any female asks for my number tonight at the mall I will give it to them (sounds really creepy, ok it kind of really is). See my first go around with the big P I was at the mall (of course) and a girl asked for my number. I immediately said I didn’t have a phone (bad lie) and it wasn’t because I didn't want to, mainly I was totally shocked by the request that I got scared so I lied (I still regret, and don’t quite understand this, to the day).
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!