I started writing this blog a little over a year ago and to say my life has changed would be a little bit of an understatement. When I started writing this I thought that this would be my release, my therapeutic way of handling the seemingly unfair and ridiculous hand I was dealt. Since then I’ve been through another manic episode, hospitalized, fought depression, moved to the city of wind, received a great internship, quit said internship, and planning a move back to Ohio. I’m not sure if this is helping but it’s about the only thing in my life that’s not disappointing at this point.
The past year kind of reminds me of my first date (and yes I was a freshman before I got a date and yes it was a blind date and yes I was set up and yes it was as pathetic as it sounds). Just as this past year began so did my date, I was filled with enthusiasm, optimism, excitement, and all around happiness. My best friend at the time (we’ll call him Wolverine for no apparent reasons other than I watched “Van Helsing” last night, on ABC Family mind you, and Hugh Jackman was in it and he was also the Wolverine; this is how my mind works) talked me up to go on a date with his girlfriend’s best friend. I was beside myself for a number of reasons; one I was only a freshman and they were sophomores, two I had a bowl cut (enough said), and three we were picking them up at their parent’s house then heading to the drive-in (yes we had drive-ins where I grew up).
Of course Wolverine is talking me up the whole way to the girls and giving me confidence that I no way deserved. I mean I was a soccer playing, bowl cut, 5’1”, 105 lbs, farm boy that had never even had a girlfriend and this girl was older, way hotter, talked into this by her friend, and a cheerleader from a rival school (I had no shot). If I had any sense at all I would have bailed on the whole date but I like to live on the edge, and once again I fell.
So we show up at the house and the first thing I noticed about my date is that she definitely doesn’t want to go and she's way out of my league (perfect start). I try to say hello to her mom and Wolverine’s date but my voice cracks not once but twice (disappointing starts now). We manage to get out of the house (where I left any resemblance of my dignity) and make our way to the drive-in. Being the gentleman that I am I hide in the trunk to save five bucks (but somehow I still paid for everyone) and at least become the funny guy. The movie, well I couldn’t tell you about the movie, I was too impressed on watching Wolverine not only cuddle with his girl but somehow manage to flirt with my date (I was in aw with this move). Needless to say I never went on another date with said girl as Wolverine began dating her shortly after the drive-in (that’s what I get for having a hotter date than his girlfriend).
In the end the date was a total disaster and one of the most disappointing times in my life. I surely didn’t believe I was going to make any headway with the older, more attractive, and cooler cheerleader but I really didn’t think I would make a fool out of myself either. Maybe that’s a fault of mine that others can relate to, I have too high of ambitions. I dream that everything will work out just right for me and that my moves in life are orchestrated in a manner only destined for success. The true reality of it all is that just like my first date, this past year was built up entirely too high in my head. The only thing this does is make it so much more disappointing when I don’t make it. I have been struggling (to say the least) this past couple weeks with dealing with the disappointment of my mania coming back and having to start over. But I realize that I can’t let this past year of “disappointment” get me down (though it has been a huge bitch) because just like if my first date would have been a success I wouldn’t have experienced a lot of things in this world (Qantas Flight Attendant you know what I’m saying, I kid I kid, but seriously) that have been unbelievable.
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!