First and foremost I would like to take some time and thank the residents of Athens, GA for welcoming myself and JD over the past weekend. It’s not the easiest of things to make a Yank feel welcomed in the south and I truly appreciate the effort. I mean asking that all the ladies wear dresses for the UGA game in our honor was more than anyone one man can ask for (I even saw a few wearing cowboy boots and skirts, thank you so much).
Now back to my original train of thought, or at least as close to it as possible as I am now having issues with focusing on anything but the southern belles from the weekend.
While driving back from the ATL this weekend I would experience glimpses back into my past at times (not weird at all). Not necessarily visions or anything that is really cool like that, but a sign, song, car, conversation, or billboard would send post it notes to my mind. At times these occurrences would bring back to light a feeling or idea I was having during my episode. The majority of the time I was manic in Denver my memory is gone (not sure if that’s for my own good but I think I’m thankful for it). The common themes and overall objective during my episode are there but the day to day or hour to hour activities I was partaking in are lost. However from time to time (for instance on my drive back) something will pop into my head that I can recall and relate to instantaneity.
Sometimes when this happens it can get a little confusing and scary (say for a split second I’m convinced they know me and I’m failing) and then at times it can be pretty fun. If you’ve ever had that feeling right after a crash is imminent but somehow you miss it you can relate. The chills and tingles are running up and down your spine and your head and you feel like you cheated death, that feeling is pretty cool (at least for a crazy person like me). The feelings usually just pass away after a few seconds and I’m good with my day but then there are the bathroom times.
Bathroom times for me are when things might get a little bit much and I need to settle myself down. I don’t really understand this BMD or how it works but I know what works for me. Sure hanging out in a bathroom doesn’t sound like the most normal thing to do, but it works. For some reason I can calm myself down in there and I feel kind of safe or something (can’t wait till my next girlfriend finds me sitting in the dark in the bathroom by myself, which will be a fun conversation).
The reason I was investigating the décor in the bathroom in Hamilton by myself during the wedding was my own fault. I’ve come to terms with what happened during my episode (about as close as you can I imagine) and while it’s never completely out of my mind I’m not dwelling on it. However the majority of what I’m handling is derived from the fact that I can remember what happened. Jazz was there among a few others during this roller coaster ride so I wanted to talk to him about what he saw and the such. Sure what he said freaked me out a little bit with what I was doing, saying, and the way I was acting. All of which I couldn’t remember and to think I was that out of control gets a bit concerning. I know it all kind of caught up with me two Saturday nights ago and a date with a bathroom was bound to happen.
Sure I could go on with my life and act like the episode never happened and I could hide from this BMD but it’s not going anywhere. It’s a part of me now and it really is who I am. I know there are going to be more conversations with my friends about what happened and some are going to be harder to take than others (fact), but I need to know. I feel like I owe it to myself, because no one else is going to do it. I’m truly thankful my friends are there to help, even if I end up freaking them out in a bathroom from time to time.
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!