Cuzin Art to B Slim: “Yeah cousin Derek had a 100mg Bank roll, a 50mg soda, and a rather Tiger like Swisher Back Sweet today. He was definitely strug-a-ling for a while but I think he’s starting to pull it together now.”
Just on cue I stumbled back in the middle of the bar and then knocked off and spilled a completely full drink from the banister.
Cuzin Art in rebuttal to my move to B Slim: “Then again, maybe not.”
It was one of a number of embarrassing moments on my vacation to the Mountains but before I go any further that first story reminds me of a story from my spring break vacation during my 3rd year in college I’d like to share. It was kind of a different spring break because we decided to all (except April) take a cruise rather than Panama City (good thing because I haven’t had the best experiences in that city). Well it was also a little different because every guy on the boat knew me from a night of buying round after round of Snake Bites for them (real straight move by me there).
So after a night of said Snake Bite slamming with the guys from C Deck I decided to attend the karaoke/dance party in the main ballroom/banquet hall/whatever the hell they need space for 500 people for. Something real fresh was playing when I entered the dance floor and started busting my moves. (Sidenote: my friends said the whole ballroom knew I was quite intoxicated because of said dance moves). It was the early 2000’s so I was attempting to probably C-Walk my way across the floor (not successfully) when I slipped and dropped my glass of Vodka and 7 and it shattered across the floor.
Right on cue the music stops with a scratch like in the movies, they turn on the house lights and point the spot light on me when the DJ announces over the PA:
“That’s why we don’t bring glass onto the dance floor.”
Without missing a beat my stand up roommate, the second coming of Robert Downey Jr., points at me and yells:
“Boo this man! Boo this man! Booooooooo!”
As I walk off in shame out of the spotlight I’m serenaded with heckling and boos erupting from the entire ballroom crowd. (For the record that was the first and only time I’ve been booed off a dance floor—or at least that I can remember).
While that vacation at sea was fun the week in Denver was a rather good time as well and that’s probably because it started out with Cuzin Art being sucked (excuse me, falling) out of the raft during our trip through the beginner rapids. I don’t care what he tries to tell you there was no river sucking going on and it was definitely the third and still beginning rapid (that’s what you get for shoving my head under the raft; oh that and gonorrhea from swallowing the river water. I guess you’ll now only get to share that curry ice cream with your hand feeder—OK the inside jokes have gone far enough).
Now that’s not to say that the southern belles still don’t have massive control over me though either but those crunchy wookies are starting to grow on me. The best part of my trip (other than Cuzin Art being the only one to fall into the rapids) was that the entire time I was gone my BMD was just fine. I was a little nervous because I haven’t been really in the cities since my last issues in the Windy City and didn’t know how I’d react. But I didn’t have any problems while I was there and actually was feeling better. That’s good to know because I’m hoping to get back to the city soon, which city is yet to be determined but definitely a city that doesn’t suck (yeah Pittsburgh I’m talking to you; Who Dey is right around the corner!)..
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!