The past couple of weeks haven’t been the best for me, I’m not sure if I’m in depression, recovering from the Rockies still, or if it’s just my BMD wrecking havoc on my life again. I try to stay optimistic and have a positive outlook into the future during these bleak times, but it can be the most difficult thing to do at those times (well that and trying not to get caught staring at the slamming body trainer at the gym, oh yea she knows I’m looking). In any case I try to remind myself of everything I do have when my mind gets trapped on what I don’t. That I have it pretty good and there are a lot of people out there struggling more than me.
I wasn’t quite sure if I’d ever share this story before a couple days ago, that’s mainly because it’s not entirely my story to tell. There’s a girl (when isn’t there, right?), well not any girl but my prom date (and maybe a little bit of a crush) from my junior year. This girl I remember was smart, shockingly funny, of course a knock out, that always smiled (even at my stupid poems, how do you think I asked her to prom), and the confidence to match yours truly. Years passed after school and we went our separate ways until I went manic the first time.
I caught her show one night and the girl on TV was far from the one I could remember from high school. She was in the fight of her life, she was in hell…
Feb. 24th, 2008
Friends,
Some of you know me, but I imagine the majority of you do knot…it makes really no difference as I am of no significance for the purpose of this letter aside from the hope that it may prove to provide some help some way some day…I am sitting in the San Jose’s AIR awaiting my flite back to Denver, CO and decided to jot some ideas down, as I await the arrival of our plane…While I live in Denver I am originally from a small town in rural Ohio by the name of South Charleston (yes I do mean OH and not SC, WV or any other of the multiple “Charlestons” throughout)…I am riting now as it has become clear to me how fortunate I, as well as many of us, are…yet it seems as fortunate as we are we miss out on the important things in life…what those are to you, the gentleman beside me or the cowgirl? (tough to differentiate from afar) sitting across the way are I don’t know…but I know I am missing…Live downtown Denver in a pretty nice apt, recently purchased a BMW X5, amazing friends, and a great family…please know I am not writing this to impress anyone, but rather to hopefully inspire someone…
Inspiration is a word that I believe many of us struggle with…I have had the ultimate opp. 2 travel around the globe for work, play, and study…however even with my experiences I still lacked something…what that is I could not say till now…not cuz I did not want to, but rather b/c I did not know…the past few days have been pretty damn exciting for me…I am moving from Denver 2 CA for a new job opp. I have been working 3 yrs to achieve and now! get to finally live w/in an hour of a beach…while this may seem modest to some pls realize that central OH is not the ideal place for h2o sports…
Looking back on the times and trials that have brought me to this place I could BORE many for hours over my experiences, but what’s the point? Who has not felt pain, joy, fear, pleasure, disappointment, jealously, rage, excitement, enthusiasm, ect…I have yet to meet anyone along my way that has not…but what I have found is that my fondest memories are the ones in Kindergarten (my 2nd time, they redshirted me my 1st yr)…the values and colors I experienced came rushing back to me…now reflecting back I wish it didin’t take 2X for me to get thru kindergarten, I wish I was still there…
Well we all know that’s impossible (unless you’re a kindergarten cop or teach)…while I’ve contemplated both these options, they just didn’t fit me…so I’ve decided to try and change..
I had the pleasure of escorting this young lady to her Sr. Prom (my Jr yr, member redshirt Kindergarten)…I started to remember what a great time we all had at the Prom (Prom promise that) and seeing how Em and her fam are now hurts and I want to help…but how?...no idea right now, but maybe, just maybe, showing that we care is a start…
I didn’t sign this letter but instead started doodling .e4 logos and missions statements (oh d01roK you crazy guy you). Less than a week after writing this letter in my gournal I was in the Porter Hospital’s Psych Ward. I’ve been able to catch up with Em and actually got to spend Halloween hanging out (seems a fitting Holiday for us two to share). I haven’t talked to her in awhile and I hope she’s doing alright; she’s about the only one I know that can relate to me. I hope she knows I still see the same girl I crushed on in high school.
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!
Coming Correct,
d01roK
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