Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 2 Issue 42

After much encouragement from some of my readers (mainly family but I’ll take it) I’ve decided to try and market this blog a little more. During my last session with my counselor I accomplished two milestones, one I gave this link to him (welcome to .e4) and I believe I finally came to terms with how I want this all to go. He asked me when will I think I’ve made it?

“When I’ve helped someone, someone like me.”

Which sounds really good in all but it’s up to me to actually do it of course. I have always complained that in my biggest time of need I could find no information anywhere about this BMD that I could relate to (mood swings my ass, ask my mom if that’s what it’s like as I ball uncontrollably and beg not to hurt anyone) and now I’m doing the same. If I am the gatekeeper, as so is everyone else battling BMD, then what type of person would I be not to share a gift that I may have (it tis the season).

So of course my first act of business to market this craziness was to add my blog address to Bing and Google. As I was completing this task I began realizing that if I am to be successful in this and be true than everything must come out about my past, even the difficult things. I would like to introduce everyone to Tristan…




Tristan is last seen here with his only known accomplice, Boomer (far left). For a crash course on Booms and Trist here’s the story behind the picture. Halloween eve 200? when two young coeds are anxiously awaiting their dates for the movie Saw (perfect way to start the Halloween weekend wouldn’t you say). The doorbell rings and standing outside the door, grabbing their crotches, and mean mugging to all get out is Boomer and Tristan. They fill the night with beer, being bad, and “Fuckin’ Partying!!!”, needless to say I’m protecting the young lady tigers identities.

Tristan is somewhat of an alter-ego I suppose you could say but I haven’t heard of him lately so he was sort of out of sight out of mind (should of learned my lesson about that in North Carolina, I’m technically considered a bootlegger in that state). He use to wreck havoc on my social life in college randomly appearing at nights to totally offend girls and chase away any hopes of mine at being accepted (damn him, damn him).

Like I said I haven’t seen him or Boomer in awhile which is a good thing because like I said I’m trying to build this blog and the last thing I need is those two dicking off. Well of course I spoke too soon because there was a spotting of Boomer over the summer at the funnel slide (they looooove waterparks) in Browntown. I shrugged this off and paid little attention as I was trying to piece my life back together, mistake.

I received an anonymous tip to check out the following link http://thedirty.com/2010/12/tristan-douchebag/ I have no idea what he’s doing in Denver other than pissing off the locals but I’m beginning to get nervous. I mean just when I have built up enough confidence in myself to try and do something good he comes along and starts to ruin it. I’m fairly nervous that if I show my face in Denver ever again it could get ugly. On the brighter side he’s rockin’ a .e4 logo hat so big ups for that one Tristan, I’ll be seeing you soon…

TBC…

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!
(Since it’s my Dad’s birthday month I’ll be rocking Van Halen all December, Happy Birthday Stubby!)



Coming Correct,
d01roK

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 2 Issue 41

I take a bite of the apple and suddenly the taste of bleach and of poison fill my mouth and I take off in a sprint towards my bathroom. The toxic smell of poison fills my nostrils as I kneel over the toilet and profusely dry heave. I haven’t really eaten in days so each acid reflux feels drier and drier until I’m merely spitting out saliva. I have eaten the forbidden fruit and this is my punishment, I am in purgatory.

I grab my wrist and feel around anxiously trying to find a pulse, a beat, a sign of life but nothing. I switch wrist and impatiently fumble around trying desperately to find evidence that I exist. I grab the side of my neck below my jaw line and squeeze slightly, I know I’ll find a beat here. After all those years in track and checking my pulse there is no way I’ll have trouble on my neck, it’s second nature. Nothing, I switch sides of my neck but to no avail. My legs are spread apart as I sit in my room and the realization that all of this is not real starts to creep into me. I frantically search my chest for my heartbeat, each second the paranoia grows and grows as my heartbeat is lost, I am in purgatory.

“The judge won’t be back until Monday, all the courts are closed.”
What judge? I admitted myself this time so there can’t be 72 hour hold on me I came in under my own free will. Wait, was it my own free will? Why do I have to see a judge if I did nothing wrong? Unless this is all real and I did start the apacolypse, is this a test of my faith? I did nothing wrong, I am in purgatory.

“What’s those?”
“Nothing.”
“You shouldn’t do that.”
“Why does it matter?”
“It matters to your family.”
“Yeah I’ve been talking to them more lately.”
“You should, they care.", I am in purgatory.

I was warned today to stop socializing with the others. I seem to be having a negative effect on one of the girls. It befuddles me that by trying to help I can do so much harm. What place am I in when simply talking with someone jeopardizes their well-being. I have only wanted to help others and now it seems I am the cause of so much pain that she stiffens up and freezes whenever I’m around. I don’t understand how she could help me so much yet when I try to return the favor I hurt her even more, I am in purgatory.

“How do you feel?”
“Good, like I’m back.”
“Well you’ll get your release today and you do have someone to pick you up?”
“Yeah, my Dad. The nurses told me this morning what time to have him come by.”
“The hospital will be in touch with you and Dr. Adler as well for the study, good luck.”

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!
(Since it’s my Dad’s birthday month I’ll be rocking Van Halen all December, Happy Birthday Stubby!)



Coming Correct,
d01roK

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 2 Issue 40

My Thanksgiving hunt was about as successful as my golfing skills (thru 12 holes at Pinehurst I had lost 10 balls, hit a barn, sent an old man with a bad hip running, and I mean drilled a house). I mean the hunt was so unsuccessful that I even upset a follower of .e4 (down to 17 from 18). I must really be on my game.

Seeing how my game makes me laugh I’m going to continue to share it with my now 17 followers. As I previously mentioned I’m back in the game and decided to give the online dating scene a try (I figure I buy sneakers online for double the monthly price so this is one hell of a deal), I’m beginning to realize I’m as bad at dating as I am at golf.

Maybe it’s my approach to blame but I find it humorous to reveal my stats. 10 emails sent (0 reply, haha), 0 emails received (1 wink but I think it was accidental), I managed to scare off a girl whose number I received two years ago (no idea how I managed that one considering I asked her out to COSI, yea I know great idea), and even was blown off by a friend of a friend who I merely said hello to and good luck (I’m totally stumped on that one). Of course you can imagine I’m beginning to doubt myself which is highly unusual for me (some say I have an air of confidence about me, other’s simply call me a dick).

Now because of this I decided to really focus when I was going through the picture menu on match.com (eat your heart out Shoney’s). I obviously am looking for a tall blonde (shocker I know sis) who has a sense of humor ranked high (damn it I’m funny). I thought I had found her, tall, blonde, into sports, ranks laughter extremely high and is studying child psychology (perfect because I act like a kid (see profile quote above) from time to time and I’m Bipolar (we’ll have tons to talk about). Once again failure but it was funny (at least to me).

Here’s how it went down:

Email 1
To: (Radio Edit)
Title: Yeah I’m emailing on Thanksgiving…
Body: big whoop, wanna fight about it? I can't imagine how much shit you must catch on here for your screen name so big ups for staying true to that whore of a city up north (haha I kid I kid).
Response: Nothing (she’s a Michigan fan btw, I know I know)

Email 2
To: (Radio Edit)
Title: Stop me if you’ve heard this one before…
Body: We're on our way home from our first date (it went well) when we get into a horrific car accident. My brother (yea in order for the joke to work there needs to be three people, he likes you though) and I are killed and are awaiting our entry into Heaven. At the gate St. Peter gives us the run down of how things operate there in Paradise. He points out the hot spots and warns us to steer clear of the ducks. See those ducks are the big man in charges prized possessions and he would be enraged if anything happened to them. Well I step up and decide that I'm going to just walk real cautiously and slowly paying attention to every step in order to not harm the ducks. Wouldn't you know it after three steps I step right on a duck, killing it and sealing my fate. St. Peter walks up and says you know you're going to have to be punished for this so I get handcuffed to the ugliest girl in heaven for all eternity (tough break). My brother steps up and just takes off in a dead sprint balls to the wall running and tramples a duck killing it. St. Peter comes over and since I already have the ugliest girl in heaven on my arm the second ugliest is handcuffed to him for eternity. A few months pass by and my brother and I (with our hideous cuffmates) are walking around heaven when we catch a glimpse of you across the way. You're handcuffed to the Brad Pitt of angels in heaven so we run over and ask:
"What happened? How in the hell are you handcuffed to that!?"
the Brad Pitt angel replies:
"I don't know, I just stepped on a damn duck."
hahaha anything? anything? That's like from middle school humor you gotta love that...
Response: Nothing

Email 3
To: (Radio Edit)
Title: My last try I promise…
Body: So obviously you're not into tall, dark, handsome, and funny guys so how about the adventurous type? Did I ever tell you the story about when I was rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize "Holy shit, Derek, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head?"
"And?" you ask.
And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.
I'm Derek and your name is?
Response: Nothing (haha)

Email 4 (Sent right after this post)
To: (Radio Edit)
Title: So I lied…
Body: www.e4-d01rok.blogspot.com
Response: TBC???

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!
(Since it’s my Dad’s birthday month I’ll be rocking Van Halen all December, Happy Birthday Stubby!)



Coming Correct,
d01roK

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 2 Issue 39

I am so thankful for having my libido back!

Ok now that we got that out of the way in honor of Thanksgiving let’s get down to what’s really important. Come Friday I will be on my way down to Charlotte for Cuzin Jen’s wedding and I couldn’t be more excited for those southern belles (making a country boy from Ohio get down on his knees and beg for more, haha). So in honor of hunting season and to celebrate my sex drive returning (so weird I know) we’re going on a little hunt this weekend and to accompany me on this epic adventure will be my wingman, brother, and all around good guy Poncho.

I spent 18 months in Atlanta posing as an apprentice/account executive at the tizzle to learn the culture and ways of the southern belle. These women are so far different than anything I’ve encountered in my life (they’re nice and sweet more than once every three Saturdays) and it takes dedication, passion, balance, and awareness (.e4 reference) to attract one of these beauties so we’ll have our work cut out for us.

In preparation for the hunt I spent last Friday out in the Nasty drinking a few (conspiracy theory alert) and casually watching my friends pull some random intoxicated girl into their car and speed away (don’t worry we found them at the next bar). As I mentioned my libido has recently resurfaced which is great for me and really bad for the single women in a 60 mile radius of Grape Grove (btw I tried the singles night at the Grape Grove Church of Christ, not really the turnout I was looking for). For some unknown and unfair reason whenever I’m manic or depressed or recovering from one of the two from this BMD I lose my sex drive (I’m still a man and do seize the moment if it arises but my heart isn’t really into it, which probably drops me from a 5 to a 3). This equates to about 30 days in the past three years that my libido was alive and kicking.

Needless to say I’m back in the game and have the bruises on my chest/nips from our tagalong mentioned earlier to prove it (she was such a giver). Now I know the belles will not fall for anything close to resembling that effort on my part (I once had to spend 7 months ignoring one just to get her to notice me, it was well worth it though just ask most of my southern guy friends, they’d agree). In all fairness this girl did have a pet alligator growing up and if she was from up here I would have had to fight off a dozen bandannas with I <3 vagina t-shirts (if you have to buy merchandise that reads “I <3 Vagina”, I don’t think you’re getting much of it) every time we went out, yea she was pretty.

I guess the point of this post is that with Poncho’s uncanny whimsical pick up lines (How much does a polar bear weigh?) and my keen knowledge of the southern belle should provide ourselves with a fairly eventful trip down south. I’ll be sure to let you all know how things turn out but I have a real good feeling about this. I haven’t felt this good in awhile almost like I’m finally accepting what I am suppose to be with this BMD. I’m really glad it included my libido, I’m just hoping if I am successful on my thanksgiving hunt that she wants to keep the lights off, I don’t know how I’d explain the bruises.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!



Coming Correct,
d01roK

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 2 Issue 38

I cry it out of me
I laugh it out of me
I run it out of me
I write it out of me
I lift it out of me
I rage it out of me
I drive it out of me
I medicate it out of me
I drink it out of me
I dance it out of me
I fight it out of me
I smoke it out of me
I sing it out of me
I play it out of me
I type it out of me
I ski it out of me
I yell it out of me
I pray it out of me
I work it out of me
I golf it out of me
I shoot it out of me
I star-gaze it out of me
I read it out of me
I relax it out of me
I celebrate it out of me
I battle it out of me
I care it out of me
I draw it out of me
I trick it out of me
I force it out of me
I hate it out of me
I love it out of me


It is me…


Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!



Coming Correct,
d01roK

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 2 Issue 37

“As much hell as it’s been the past three years, and I know it’s been hell Derek, Bipolar Disorder does have its gifts, maybe small but they are there.”

I forgot how much I love the country night sky. The past week I took a couple nights to wander out into the pasture beside the house to get away (or look like a crazy person standing in the middle of a field in the middle of nowhere). It’s been ten years since I’ve been truly back to the country and I missed how peaceful it can be (and how irritating, Mickey Mouse 3-Derek 0).

I use to spend just about every fall/winter night in our hot tub getting away from it all and being lost in the night sky (well at mom’s at least, Stubby’s is a different story). Some people I suppose use meditation, some read, others veg out in front of the tube, some drive to nowhere, others watch sunsets to free themselves, I just prefer the cliché 1970’s porn set of a hot tub at night under the stars (just a romantic at heart I suppose).

So of course with the way things have been going lately our hot tub dies a couple weeks ago. To compensate for this I wandered out to the pasture this week to look up at the sky. After the coyotes stopped crying (just about right on que) and the dogs stopped howling I found myself surrounded by nothing, it was great.

It was cool out and the wind had died down from the day with the night breeze minimal at best. The air was calm and the world seemed asleep, I was alone out there and I wasn’t scared of that fact for the first time in awhile. I lifted my head and caught a glimpse of a shooting star in the East and literally laughed aloud. I hadn’t seen a shooting star in so long I forgot they even existed. At about the time I get back to focusing on the sky another shooting star came from the West (I literally looked like a crazy person when I started laughing aloud to myself at the sheer sight of this second shooting star). The next time I went out I saw two more shooting stars in the sky and it made me glad I didn’t swallow those pills three years ago.

My new counselor and I have been working on taking a new perspective or approach to fighting this BMD. Focusing on the little gifts it provides that seem so insignificant at first. Similar to falling rocks in space that seemingly have no purpose or reason to exist aside to fall; up until they hit Earth’s atmosphere and begin to heat up and burn. Glowing hotter and hotter one by one they light up the country sky giving me a show I can’t pay for in any theater, cinema, or venue (and also making me look crazy).

That’s the reason I haven’t let quitting my job bother me, I’m starting to see the little gifts in my life more and more.

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!



Coming Correct,
d01roK

Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 2 Issue 36

Letter of Resignation (Health Reasons)

Hello (Radio Edit),

I wanted to begin this letter by thanking you and (Radio Edit) with this opportunity that I was looking forward to. However the past three years I have been battling a health issue that I was confident we had under control. Unfortunately symptoms reappeared during training yesterday and after discussions with my doctors they have advised me to take the treatment in another direction. This change in treatment will require me to resign effective immediately to concentrate on my health. My apologies for this as no one is more disappointed than me but my health must take priority over my career at this point.

Thank you once again for your time,
Good luck in the future,
Derek L. Thompson

I am becoming quite comfortable (and quite good I might add) at writing these letters of resignation you see above. When I started at the tizzle (that’s AT&T unhipsters) I recall one of my apprentice (scarily they gave me three to train, of which one is needing some help so visit htt p://www.voteforalexdaily.com to vote) remarking that I would be a lifer. I didn’t object to it the least bit, I enjoyed my job and the people I worked with so I didn’t see any immediate reason to leave (a psychotic manic episode changes that of course). I guess the point I’m driving to is that I never imagined myself quitting a job after college, now I’ve quit four in the past three years (isn’t it ironic, don’t ya think?).

What’s new about this last resignation is that while I’m disappointed it didn’t work out I’m not the least bit frustrated with it. Following the previous three resignations I was so upset and frustrated that it took me a month to get my head straight (this time it took from the drive from Nashville to Louisville, not too shabby). I think there are two reasons for this change; I saw it coming and my new doc’s (amazing I know).

My first day of training went really well and I enjoyed myself. That night I laid down and nothing went through my mind (well about 2 or 3 thoughts at a time but that’s nothing to me). I was able to focus without much work and my mind was at peace. I wasn't tensed up at all and I was completely relaxed with a calm sensation engulfing me, it was great. For the first time in years I wasn’t wound a little tight, my mind wasn’t chasing ideas from here to there and back. I felt at peace…something was wrong with how good I felt.

I was right, an hour and a half into my next day of training my head began to hurt and my stomach felt nauseous. I step outside to get some air and it hits me, I spend the next couple of hours fighting off my mania has it comes at me in waves sending me up and down and bringing me to my knees until I give up and quit my job and drive home. I’m just glad I saw it coming and was able to catch it before something a lot worse than quiting my job resulted (see psyche ward entries).

TBC…

Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!



Coming Correct,
d01roK