I have a midterm tomorrow in Sports Finance (yes it’s as fun as it sounds) and I have yet to start studying. I really did have the intentions to begin last night but I found a Warren Miller film on Netflix on Demand and I spent the next 80 minutes getting lost in my mind. When I was being admitted in the Nasty the only evaluation question I remember was:
“What can we help you with while you are here, what do you want from us?”
“I’m lost. I need help getting back.”
The next questions I have no idea about because that first night all I can recall is sitting in the hallway of the unit (Southside!) rocking back and forth and being terrified of showering (I didn’t want to rinse away the poison and hurt people, typical ya know). I felt like I was back about 2 weeks ago when I stood up and danced to Pretty Lights “After Midnight LIVE Mix” by myself in the middle of the day. The following weekend I attended the farm show in Louisville, KY and had a blast for three reasons.
#1.) A good road trip will include at least one new band/musician/entertainer/stripper that has been introduced into your life. (Rob Heiliger is all of the above and then some)
#2.) Gournal entry quality trips extend your branches or strengthen your roots. (The Farm Show, Zanzabar, and Chicken Stomp represented this very nicely)
#3.) Learn something new about someone. (Cuzin Art is a DICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
The last couple of weeks I’ve felt like myself again which was amazing but unfortunately temporary. I’ve been feeling my mania again that had been gone since the episode. I’m not manic (calm down Mom) I can just feel it like I did after my first episode and it can at times pull me places. I was dead sure I was moving to Chi-Town after my classes to find an internship but lately I’ve been thinking of a couple other destinations as well. Now while the mania may push and pull me from time to time there’s a crazy thing happening. I feel more like myself when I jump from idea to idea than I do when I was sure of everything (makes perfect sense I know).
Another reason for my procrastination to begin working towards the real world is that my sister is coming in on Thursday. My sister is a southern belle of a pony that is currently responsible for the entire city of Atlanta’s social calendars (plus she’s a newlywed so her sched is intense). I almost begin to shake thinking of her coming to town because without her I’m not sure where I’d be today. During episode deuce the mania really flipped everything on me and it made me trust absolutely no one (not even myself). So when I needed help it got complicated to ask for help for myself while at the same time trying to fool myself into thinking I'm not getting help. Needless to say this involved a 3 hour conversation on the phone with my sister as I drifted in and out of the levels of consciousness in my mind (basically holding my breath, crawling on my stomach, flipping my phone, speaking quickly and sharply, and trying not to end mankind…just one of those days). So thanks to that lil’ pony I was able to make it to the hospital and ask for them to help me find myself. (so the midterm just isn’t a priority right meow).
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!
Coming Correct,
d01roK
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 2 Issue 6
I was rapping about life one day with my homegirl Hoochie when she dropped some knowledge on me with this line.
“Yo PhD, your story is beyond great, but trying to follow your blog, well it just aint.”
I ponder for second as I attempted to collect my thoughts; then put on a song just to delay.
“Now let me get done with the grime
Gotta go purchase a dime
Put in a state to get done with the crime
Smokin the reefer to ease my mind…”
The actual names and format of the above conversation have been altered to protect the identity of the people actually involved (your welcome Hoochie). However this actually did happen (well, sort of) and I took the advice to heart and decided to do something about it. Last night I needed to stay up till 1 in the AM to take my Lithium so that my blood tests could be accurate (I couldn’t have asked for better results, check my tweet tweet). Anyhow after I watched “Traitor” (not too shabby) on Netflix demand (not shabby at all) on my High Def TV via a HDMI connection (insert antonym for shabby here) I still had about an hour to kill so I jumped on the World Wide Web.
I went straight to my blog (well a stop here or there to check the latest news in the adult entertainment world may have occurred, I was tired and can’t recall) and signed in to see if I could adjust the settings. Hoochie had mentioned that more people than I realize read this but the settings are so complicated no one wants to take the time to sign up to follow .e4. I felt their pain when it comes to frustration (I worked for the phone company) and wanted to do my best to correct the sitch. While coasting through my settings I really couldn’t find anything I could do to change the functionality of the blog to allow for easier following commands (my apologies but feel free to email blogger and let them know your pain, of course that takes some time and there within lies the problem…vicious cycle I know). However I was able to kill about 45 minutes on my profile, which you get to hear about now.
Seeing how both my mania and myself love to play games I’m going to play one this week on thy blog. There are a number of random coincidences/connections/mistakes/quirks that can be found within my profile. For every follower that leaves a comment on this post identifying one of these twirks of mine (made up phrase) I’ll email you a random file from my computer. This could include such MP3’s as “Feed My Frankenstein” by Alice Cooper to questionable photos of me taken during a strip Twister game party in OZ (you’ll just have to wait and see). This is a short post because it’s a Snow Day at Xavier and I feel like I should behave like a kid and go play in the snow rather than be inside (dibs on the first run at Church Hill).
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!
Coming Correct,
d01roK
“Yo PhD, your story is beyond great, but trying to follow your blog, well it just aint.”
I ponder for second as I attempted to collect my thoughts; then put on a song just to delay.
“Now let me get done with the grime
Gotta go purchase a dime
Put in a state to get done with the crime
Smokin the reefer to ease my mind…”
The actual names and format of the above conversation have been altered to protect the identity of the people actually involved (your welcome Hoochie). However this actually did happen (well, sort of) and I took the advice to heart and decided to do something about it. Last night I needed to stay up till 1 in the AM to take my Lithium so that my blood tests could be accurate (I couldn’t have asked for better results, check my tweet tweet). Anyhow after I watched “Traitor” (not too shabby) on Netflix demand (not shabby at all) on my High Def TV via a HDMI connection (insert antonym for shabby here) I still had about an hour to kill so I jumped on the World Wide Web.
I went straight to my blog (well a stop here or there to check the latest news in the adult entertainment world may have occurred, I was tired and can’t recall) and signed in to see if I could adjust the settings. Hoochie had mentioned that more people than I realize read this but the settings are so complicated no one wants to take the time to sign up to follow .e4. I felt their pain when it comes to frustration (I worked for the phone company) and wanted to do my best to correct the sitch. While coasting through my settings I really couldn’t find anything I could do to change the functionality of the blog to allow for easier following commands (my apologies but feel free to email blogger and let them know your pain, of course that takes some time and there within lies the problem…vicious cycle I know). However I was able to kill about 45 minutes on my profile, which you get to hear about now.
Seeing how both my mania and myself love to play games I’m going to play one this week on thy blog. There are a number of random coincidences/connections/mistakes/quirks that can be found within my profile. For every follower that leaves a comment on this post identifying one of these twirks of mine (made up phrase) I’ll email you a random file from my computer. This could include such MP3’s as “Feed My Frankenstein” by Alice Cooper to questionable photos of me taken during a strip Twister game party in OZ (you’ll just have to wait and see). This is a short post because it’s a Snow Day at Xavier and I feel like I should behave like a kid and go play in the snow rather than be inside (dibs on the first run at Church Hill).
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!
Coming Correct,
d01roK
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Life full of mania with a dash of humor and a slice of normality (those are the secret ingredients) Vol 2 Issue 5
I’ve never really considered myself a gamer (although in the past two years I’ve purchased both a Xbox 360 and then a Wii; I was manic during both these purchasing decisions mind you) but I am addicted to the claw. Whether I’m a patron at Dave & Busters, the AMC on the levee, any Steak ‘n Shake or any other establishment blessed enough to have one of these machines you will always be able to find me on a claw. I understand that these games are designed for children but they are like coffee to yuppies with me (I have to play or I feel like I won’t be accepted). I’ve recently been enjoying looking at myself as an oddity of the rare for this reason among a few others that you get the privilege to learn about.
I find comfort in knowing that I am “normal” when it comes to BMD cases (call it my “I don’t want to be the weird manic guy” syndrome) but I’m slowly realizing that just isn’t how I am. For instance during most episodes Manics will have an increase sex drive but I for some reason totally lose my libido (which is good and bad all at the same time, really confusing but then really fun when it comes back). During this time I as well lose my eyesight. While I was in Denver I was having trouble reading road signs so I got my eyes checked and naturally they came back nearly perfect. This totally stumped me but I am not one to question doctors (well optometrists at least) and then during episode deuce I needed magnifying lens for the MRI scan but when I came back a week later not manic my eyes were fine (the only time the technician had ever seen that, point).
The next two get a little odd so try and stay with me (time to chase that rabbit down the holes). It is fairly common for BMD’s to have vivid and almost too realistic dreams. If I can make it through the night only waking up once or twice from these dreams it’s been a good night. However every once in awhile I’ll dream I’m manic again (tick, tick, tick…mind-blow). I can feel when my mania is coming on so I know exactly what to expect, the odd part is when I’m dreaming and I have these feelings. Let me tell you it is about as fun as your first childhood snipe hunt at night (if you’ve never gone snipe hunting let me know and I’ll arrange a hunt). I told El Doc about this and he had never heard of that before so I was a little prideful but a little scared as well for being the oddity of the rare.
The last one deals with the reaction my skin has when I’m manic. My feet and especially my hands usually tingle, become red, burn, and feel rough/dry. The sensitivity on the top of my feet and hands intensifies and that usually leads my mind down a rabbit hole dealing with crucifixion (I told you it was odd). The next symptom is similar to my hands and feet but only appeared during this last episode and it dealt with some discoloration and skin bumbs in a sensistive area that is known as the…
Siren Screams
Confetti Everywhere
Balloons dropping from the sky
Music blaring
” Yahoo! This is your celebration
Yahoo! This is your celebration
Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)
Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)
There's a party goin' on right here
A celebration to last throughout the years
So bring your good times, and your laughter too
We gonna celebrate your party with you
Come on now
Celebration
Let's all celebrate and have a good time
Celebration
We gonna celebrate and have a good time”
Announcer: “Congratulations to Emily Oscarson!” She is .e4’s 10th follower and has won the grand prize giveaway. This includes a random item from d01roK’s apartment that he will randomly select now. Congrats Emily and thanks for following!”
Wow this comes as I complete surprise to me so let me see what I have laying around.
Perfect, I’ve got a giant stuffed boxing glove that I won at Dave & Busters on a giant claw machine (how odd that that all worked out that way.) Seeing how Emily is in my class tonight I can give her her prize then (I’m really starting to like being the oddity of the rare).
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!
Coming Correct,
d01roK
I find comfort in knowing that I am “normal” when it comes to BMD cases (call it my “I don’t want to be the weird manic guy” syndrome) but I’m slowly realizing that just isn’t how I am. For instance during most episodes Manics will have an increase sex drive but I for some reason totally lose my libido (which is good and bad all at the same time, really confusing but then really fun when it comes back). During this time I as well lose my eyesight. While I was in Denver I was having trouble reading road signs so I got my eyes checked and naturally they came back nearly perfect. This totally stumped me but I am not one to question doctors (well optometrists at least) and then during episode deuce I needed magnifying lens for the MRI scan but when I came back a week later not manic my eyes were fine (the only time the technician had ever seen that, point).
The next two get a little odd so try and stay with me (time to chase that rabbit down the holes). It is fairly common for BMD’s to have vivid and almost too realistic dreams. If I can make it through the night only waking up once or twice from these dreams it’s been a good night. However every once in awhile I’ll dream I’m manic again (tick, tick, tick…mind-blow). I can feel when my mania is coming on so I know exactly what to expect, the odd part is when I’m dreaming and I have these feelings. Let me tell you it is about as fun as your first childhood snipe hunt at night (if you’ve never gone snipe hunting let me know and I’ll arrange a hunt). I told El Doc about this and he had never heard of that before so I was a little prideful but a little scared as well for being the oddity of the rare.
The last one deals with the reaction my skin has when I’m manic. My feet and especially my hands usually tingle, become red, burn, and feel rough/dry. The sensitivity on the top of my feet and hands intensifies and that usually leads my mind down a rabbit hole dealing with crucifixion (I told you it was odd). The next symptom is similar to my hands and feet but only appeared during this last episode and it dealt with some discoloration and skin bumbs in a sensistive area that is known as the…
Siren Screams
Confetti Everywhere
Balloons dropping from the sky
Music blaring
” Yahoo! This is your celebration
Yahoo! This is your celebration
Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)
Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)
There's a party goin' on right here
A celebration to last throughout the years
So bring your good times, and your laughter too
We gonna celebrate your party with you
Come on now
Celebration
Let's all celebrate and have a good time
Celebration
We gonna celebrate and have a good time”
Announcer: “Congratulations to Emily Oscarson!” She is .e4’s 10th follower and has won the grand prize giveaway. This includes a random item from d01roK’s apartment that he will randomly select now. Congrats Emily and thanks for following!”
Wow this comes as I complete surprise to me so let me see what I have laying around.
Perfect, I’ve got a giant stuffed boxing glove that I won at Dave & Busters on a giant claw machine (how odd that that all worked out that way.) Seeing how Emily is in my class tonight I can give her her prize then (I’m really starting to like being the oddity of the rare).
Since many of my manic experiences involve music I’ve decided to add random music videos to the blog for my enjoyment and your inconvenience. Enjoy!
Coming Correct,
d01roK
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